Daily Dirt: Hey, dads deserve to be ranked, too

March 5, 2022 | By Steve Eighinger, Minister of Culture and Doctor of Love

Daily Dirt for Saturday, March 5, 2022

We often contemplate the best TV moms, but rarely do we look at the dads — but today we do just that. It’s Father’s Day, and welcome to our three thoughts and Vol. 228 of The Daily Dirt.

1. If you could make the perfect TV father, he might have the patience of Dan Conner, the wit of Ray Barone and the moustache of Gomez Addams.

The following are our 10 favorite dads from a wide range of our favorite TV programs through the years. See if you agree:

1. John Goodman, as Dan Conner on “Roseanne”: Arguably the character who was the closest on network TV to the “typical” dad. So very clueless at times, yet the embodiment of what love was supposed to represent between a dad and his kids.
2. Ray Romano, as Ray Barone on “Everybody Loves Raymond”: A younger version of Dan Conner/John Goodman.
3. Peter Boyle, as Frank Barone on “Everybody Loves Raymond”: As he grew older, he yelled a lot, watched TV a lot and ate a lot of junk food. My kind of guy.
4. Ty Burrell, as Phil Dunphy on “Modern Family”: We need more dads like Phil, whose goofiness is pricelessly charming.
5. Ed O’Neill, as Al Bundy on “Married … with Children”: He earns a top-10 position simply for surviving life with his famous red-headed wife, Peg (PUBLISHER’S NOTE: Hat tip to O’Neill also for his role as the patriarch of the Pritchett Clan on “Modern Family” and getting the opportunity to have Sofia Vergara as his second wife, Gloria. JRG).
6.Homer Simpson, as Homer Simpson on “The Simpsons”: The cartoon version of Al Bundy.
7. Bob Saget, as Danny Tanner on “Full House”: His corny heart-to-hear talks were just that — corny. But they were also endearing.
8. John Astin, as Gomez Addams on “The Addams Family”: Unorthodox? Certainly. But you have to give him credit — for naming his two kids were named Pugsley and Wednesday. And he also had a great moustache.
9. Jerry Stiller, as Frank Costanza on “Seinfeld”: Rather temperamental, but wouldn’t you be if George Costanza was your son?
10. Robert Reed, as Mike Brady on “The Brady Bunch”: Yeah, this was a cornball show, but Reed’s overall demeanor kept it somewhat believable semi-heartwarming…

(PUBLISHER’S NOTE: Archie Bunker, Fred G. Sanford and Martin Crane would like a word. JRG)

2. Mountain Dew is joining Coca-Cola and Pepsi in introducing a new flavor, but there’s a catch.

The new Dew taste — called “Legend” — will be available only through the Buffalo Wild Wings sports bar chain. Word is there will be hints of blackberry, citrus and ginger in the new offering. Pepsi recently announced the addition of “Nitro” and Coca-Cola will soon be rolling out “Starlight”. It’s a great time to be a soft-drink fan.

3. Some more “Found on Facebook” material that should brighten your day:

“There was no paper in my Chinese cookie. Unfortunate.” (Don’t feel bad, I didn’t get it until the third time I head this/.)

“Someone ripped the fifth out of my 2022 calendar. I’m dismayed.” (Ditto)

“If by clubbing you mean eating club sandwiches, then yes, I love clubbing.” (“Clubbing! Yes!)

“I just looked at my daughter and said, ‘You’re not the boss of me’. We had a good laugh and now I’m off to her a snack.” (So very, very true.)

“I saw a guy on his motorcycle and the back of his shirt said, ‘If you can read this, the wife fell off.” (No way I’m commenting on this one.)

Steve Fact O’ The Day — Steve’s most disliked condiments, in order, are: 1. Relish, 2. Mayonnaise, 3. Mustard, 4. Ketchup.