Daily Dirt: I’m not sure about the new three-point conversion, but play some Zeppelin while I’m considering

Daily Dirt for Sunday, March 27, 2022
 
To be successful, the USFL needs to offer something the NFL doesn’t. It looks like the new league is on the right track. Welcome to today’s three thoughts and Vol. 244 of The Daily Dirt.

1. The new USFL kicks off its season April 16 and will be using some new rules. Here’s a sampling:

• Arguably the most interesting is a third option for a conversion after a touchdown. A team can try a 33-yard kick for one point, run a play from the 2-yard line for two or try a scrimmage play from the 10-yard line for three points. “I love this,” writes Dan Roche for Yahoo Sports. “It opens up so many different permutations for late-game situations, extending the equations of the ‘two-score’ game to 18 points.”
• It will be legal to throw two forward passes behind the line of scrimmage. (I can’t even wrap my head around this one.) 
• The league also offers an option to onside kicks: the kicking team can run a 4th-and-12 play from its own 33-yard line. If they convert, they keep the ball. If not, the defense gets the ball.
• All kickoffs will be from the 25-yard line. No kicking team member can line up further back than one yard. The receiving team must have eight players between the 35- and 45-yard lines. If the kick travels 20 yards, the first touch must be by the receiving team. If there’s an untouched dead ball, the receiving team gets the ball at that spot.
• Each team gets one replay challenge per game.

The USFL will have eight franchises this year: the New Jersey Generals, Tampa Bay Rowdies, Birmingham Stallions, Philadelphia Stars, Pittsburgh Maulers, Michigan Panthers, Houston Gamblers and New Orleans Breakers. 

2. These are April holidays I’m looking forward to:

• April is International Guitar Month. Someone play some Zeppelin! 
• April 4 is Hug A Newsman Day. Please call or text me to reserve a time.
• April 12 is Walk On Your Wild Side Day. Someone call Lou Reed.
• April 14 Day is National Dolphin Day. Who’s calling Bob Griese?
• April 27 is Babe Ruth Day. Will we be honoring the candy bar or the baseball player?

3. More “Found on Facebook” offerings designed to awaken your funny bone:

• “What’s the male equivalent to Karen?” (I vote for David or Bob.)
• “OK, hear me out. One of those old-fashioned candy necklaces, except with Ibuprofen and Tums.”
• “When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.”
• “Did you know there are more planes in the sea than there are submarines in the sky?”
• “How many Lowes could Rob Lowe rob if Rob Lowe could rob Lowes?”

Steve Thought O’ The Day
Steve has decided to be a fan of the Tampa Bay Rowdies.

Steve Eighinger writes daily for Muddy River News. Somehow, he will find a reason to keep his own stats during the USFL season.