DAILY DIRT: ‘Lunch with Steve’ takes a trip to yesteryear

July 11, 2022 | By Steve Eighinger, Muddy River News Minister of Culture and Doctor of Love

Daily Dirt for Monday, July 11, 2022

Did you ever wonder what happened to Anson Williams? Wonder no more … Welcome to today’s three thoughts that make up Vol. 336 of The Daily Dirt.

1. What better on a warm, summer day than lunch with a friend?

Yep, it’s that time again for … lunch with Steve. But this month we’re changing the game a bit. Steve is going on a series of his lunch breaks with some late, great personalities from the past. Here are this month’s selections for our virtual breakings of bread:

Mary Tyler Moore: To this day, Mary Tyler Moore is my all-time favorite actress, at least as far as comedy is concerned. I could imagine sitting and talking with her for hours on end about the characters from both the “Dick Van Dyke Show” and the iconic “Mary Tyler Moore Show.” Lunch at: Thyme Square. I would guess Mary would order a salad.

Elvis Presley: Whether or not you are a fan of The Man’s music, can you imagine the life stories he could share in an hour? All those recollections aside, the most important question I would want to ask is, “Of all your recordings, what is your personal favorite?” Lunch at: Lucky Dogs. I’m pretty sure Elvis and I could put a serious dent in the restaurant’s supply of coneys and other gourmet hot dogs.

Ty Cobb: This might be a shortened lunch, because I’m pretty sure I would make the hall of Famer rather irritated in a matter of minutes. “Ty, is everything I have ever read about you being what is basically a jerk true?” would be one of my first offerings. Lunch at: The Coach House, which is a popular place for senior citizens like myself. And remember, if I could somehow work out a lunch date this week with Mr. Cobb he would now be 134.

John Lennon: First and foremost, I want to know what the real reasons were behind the gradual disintegration of the Beatles. “John, the Rolling Stones have been together for 60 years. How come you Liverpool lads couldn’t even make it through a decade?” Lunch at: Native Grill and Wings. I’m pretty sure John would appreciate a nice quiet corner table on the second floor, where things are usually just that — nice and quiet.

Harry Caray: The late great MLB play-by-play announcer was often as colorful on the air as he was off. I would simply ask Harry the first question, and then simply sit back and listen for the next 60 minutes. Lunch at: Mr. Bill’s. Can you imagine how packed that place would be? Harry and I would set up shop just inside the front door, first table on the left. Within 10 minutes, the joint would be wall-to-wall people. At some point, though, we’d have to give Harry 10 minutes to eat his walleye and baked potato.

Robin Williams: I cannot even begin to imagine how much fun this interview this would be. Here’s another case of just asking one question and spending the next 60 minutes listening. Lunch at: Tiramisu. There’s a lot of room there, and we all know Robin could never sit still. Plus, I hear he’s a big fan of ravioli salsa rosa.

Andre the Giant: First of all, this interview would not done in any booth. There’s no way the big guy (7-foot-4, 520 pounds) could ever fit. Once we worked through that issue, I would need to check the limit on my credit card. Andre’s eating habits are legendary. So were his stories. Lunch at: Fatback’s BBQ. I would hate to even guess how much Andre might eat at that fine establishment.

Chris Farley: Above all else, we’d need a restaurant with great air conditioning. For those who remember Farley, you probably also remember how much the man could sweat. Plus, there would be plenty of arm waving, so we’d need a lot of room. Lunch at: El Rancherito. What would the over/under be on the number of tacos Farley would/could devour?

2. The following are the most popular items on McDonald’s menus worldwide, according to various media reports.

I think the bronze medal is at least mildly surprising.

Gold medal: McDonald’s sells an order of its famous fries 9 million times a day, or about 3.3 billion pounds of the crispy little spuds each year.

Silver medal: The Big Mac, the poster child of McDonald’s i most people’s opinion. The Big Mac was brought to life in the late 1960s and originally sold for 45 cents.

Bronze medal: Happy Meals. After the huge success of the Egg McMuffin in the 1970s, McDonald’s was trying to formulate what item would be its next big hit. At the time, kid’s meals were an untapped market, so they devised the now-famous Happy Meal. Since then, McDonald’s has sold nearly 4 billion Happy Meals.

3. Actor Anson Williams is embarking on a new career path.

The 72-year-old former co-star of the beloved sitcom “Happy Days” has announced that he will run for mayor in Ojai, Calif. No word if Fonzie would be named a part of Williams’ cabinet if he is elected.

Steve Thought O’ The Day Steve thinks McDonald’s fries are highly overrated.