DAILY DIRT: Be careful — very careful — what you say to your significant other

Daily Dirt for Tuesday, Sept. 20, 2022

Under no circumstances ever employ that first question. Never, ever, ever … Welcome to today’s three thoughts that make up Vol. 403 of The Daily Dirt.

1. Once more, the Doctor of Love is here to help.

This time, we’re dealing with starting unnecessary arguments with that significant other. Here are five things to never say or do, especially when that significant other is not having a good day:

1. “Is it that time of the month?”: If you ever play this card, you either have a death wish or are simply not very smart. And you better have the abilities to duck and avoid flying objects.

2. “You look tired (or sick, etc.)”: If there’s one thing a woman does not want to hear it’s that she does not look her best. If anything, take the opposite approach and offer a compliment, whether true or not.  

3. “It’s not a big deal/Calm down, you’re too emotional.”: If she is upset, it’s a big deal, whether it actually is or not. Look at it this way — if it’s important to her, it better be important to you. It may not seem as important as, say the Cardinals losing five in a row, but trust me … be willing to listen and offer comfort, or get ready for a week of silence and TV dinners.

4. “Let me explain it so you can understand.”: Do I really need to offer a comment here?

5. “It’s a guy thing, you probably wouldn’t understand.”: You might (key word MIGHT) survive the first part of that statement, but if you add that last part just go ahead and grab the pillow and a spare blanket because you’ll be sleeping on the couch for at least a week.

6. “Are you on/off your meds?”: See statement #1.

7. “Should you eat that?”: As you are scarfing your third helping of mashed potatoes, you probably shouldn’t remark on the small dollop she has on her plate.

Real advice for real times. The Doctor is always willing to help.

2. For all you MLB fans, I’m sure you are aware of all those 100 mph fastballs we see in today’s game.

Consider the following, which I’m just throwing out there simply for your edification:

Sandy Koufax, arguably the greatest overall pitcher in baseball history and of the game’s elite strikeout artists, never threw a pitch faster than 93.2 mph.

3. The latest in the Great Plate Debate of 2022.

The yearly best to date:

Gold Medal: 1 KWIKI: Good name for a car wash or dry cleaner.

Silver medal:GEEZER 2: Did you know there is a British musician named Geezer Butler? 

Bronze medal:USA FAN 1: The next major global sporting event where the USA fans will be a force will be this fall’s World Cup in Qatar. 

Other Memorable plates spotted over the past seven days:

• RAKS: Deer or boobs?
• FOX: Last name or animal?
• MULE 1: Stubborn driver. Go ahead and go at the four-way stop.
• MARV: Albert or Thornberry?
• JWL BOX 1: Advertisment?

Steve Thought O’ The Day — My high school graduation class held its 50th reunion last weekend back in Ohio. The following thought struck me looking at the pictures: “Man, those people look old!”

Steve Eighinger writes daily for Muddy River News. He skipped his class reunion to cover racing. That surprises no one.