DAILY DIRT: Seven — count’ em, seven — burger patties on one sandwich … and would you like some fatty duck liver, too?

PUBLISHER’S NOTE: We interrupt Steve’s stream of consciousness to fix a glaring omission from today’s Daily Dirt.

How do you write something for September 21 and omit the incredible tune “September” by the masters of funk, Earth, Wind and Fire???

Anyway, here is a 10 hour loop of the song to get you through hump day. Ba de ya.

Back to our regular programming. JRG

I’m not sure what is the most disgusting item mentioned today, but I’m leading toward that Mockba pizza in Russia … Welcome to today’s three thoughts that make up Vol. 403 of The Daily Dirt.

1. Would you like to add a little spice to your fast-food orders?

I would suggest doing so in Japan.

The following are samples from the Japanese fast-food menus, thanks in part to contributors to Business Insider:

• The 5-Patty Whopper: This is as big and meat-packed as its name suggests. FIVE burger patties are topped with all the usual fixings and Burger King’s special dressing.
• The 7-Patty Whopper: Just in case, five burger patties were not enough …
• The Mega Tomago: This is essentially a classic double Big Mac, but with egg plant and bacon.
• Wendy’s foie gras burger:This $16 burger consists of a classic Wendy’s beef patty loaded up with all the regular fixings — plus a healthy dose of fatty duck liver. 
• The Meat Monster: This sandwich loads two beef patties, a chicken breast, two slices of cheese, three pieces of bacon, lettuce, tomato, and onion on to a classic sesame bun.
• The Rodeo Burger: Burger King developed a TRIPLE patty burger topped with six onion rings, lettuce, tomato, sliced raw onion, mayo, and barbecue sauce.
• The Mega-Potato:The mega-potato holds the honor of being the highest-calorie McDonald’s menu item of all time. It is nearly a pound of the brand’s french fries. 
• Sirloin steak pizza: This can be found at Domino’s pizzerias in Japan. This is a classic Domino’s pie topped with grilled eggplant, truffle cheese sauce, and thick slabs of premium sirloin steak.
• Big Bacon Bargain: The Big Bacon Bargain from Burger King loads up to 15 strips of bacon onto any regular Burger King item.
• Lobster Surf and Turf: From Wendy’s, a regular beef patty is topped with lobster, lettuce, tomato, and onion make up this premium creation. They’re sold for about $16.
• The Cheese Katsu Burger:A fried pork cutlet is stuffed with cheese, topped with cabbage and is oozing sweet and sour sauces.
• The Grand Canyon Burger: This thing has a beef patty with “steak filling,” cooked egg, cheddar and mozzarella cheese, crispy onions, steak sauce (with soy and “smoked” flavors) and an extra middle bun.

2. Keeping with today’s food theme, here’s the most disgusting items we came across this week — the three worst kinds of pizza from around the globe:

Gold medal: Mockba pizza is a pizza that is named after the capital city of Russia, Mockba being the Russian word for Moscow. This pizza is one that is topped with sardines, tuna, mackerel and salmon. It’s also topped with onions and other garnishes — and is typically served cold.

Silver medal: In Germany, putting canned tuna on pizza is a popular topping. Gosh, it’s a wonder this has not caught on in America. Not.

Bronze medal: In Japan, squid is used as a main topping for pizza. Has the rest of the world not yet discovered mushroom and pepperoni?

3. And what should we have for dessert today after consuming of the above items?

How about a dried pork and seaweed doughnut from Dunkin’ Donuts in China? Dried Pork, also known as “rousong” or “pork floss,” is made by curing and drying pork and then pounding and teasing it until it becomes the consistency of strings of floss. Seaweed is, well seaweed. Now, take these two things and sprinkle them on a doughnut. This is one of the items at Dunkin’ Donuts shops in China.

Steve’s Thought O’ The Day — Just pass the bottle of Tums. Please.

Steve Eighinger writes daily for Muddy River News. We would also like to wish a happy 41st birthday to legendary actress Melissa Marie Hutchinson.