Daily Dirt: Some first dates don’t turn out quite the way we hoped

Daily Dirt for Thursday, Nov. 3, 2022

Not all first dates are the stuff of legends. Jus’ sayin’ … Welcome to today’s three thoughts that make up Vol. 441 of The Daily Dirt.

1. Remember some of those awkward first dates when you were young? (I once forgot the girl’s first name I took to a football game. And for the record, there was no second date.)

Well, it appears those of us who experienced “one of those nights” are not alone. Here were some of the top answers from that question I found on a number of different first-date websites:

• “I had just been diagnosed with an ulcer and was put on medicine to clear my stomach. Farted and burped the whole time. I was so embarrassed. He still married me.”
• “I went to a fancy restaurant thinking I was looking quite cute. When I introduced myself at the bar, my date said, ‘I thought you’d be thinner.’ I grabbed his drink, poured it in his lap, and said, ‘I thought you’d be smarter.’ I left and ate pizza that night.”
• “I met a girl for a blind date once. She didn’t say a single word throughout dinner, finished her meal and walked out. I then checked my phone and there was a message from the girl saying she couldn’t make it tonight … Who the hell did I eat with?”
• “I met a guy online and we saw a movie on our first date. At the end of the night when acting like he was going in for a kiss, he put his whole mouth over my nose and blew into it. Laughing, as he says he does this to his dogs and calls it a ‘puppy trumpet’.”
• “As a senior in college, I asked a cute girl out. Halfway through the date, she told me that she was seriously thinking of becoming a nun after graduation in a few weeks. By the end of the date, she told me she was sure of it.”
•  “My date let me out of the car to wait on the curb while he parallel parked. After 3 failed attempts, he drove off. I walked home.”
• “Went on a blind date with a guy who kept saying I looked familiar. Halfway through the date, he realized it’s because he’s my mother’s gynecologist.”
• “What I thought as a romantic picnic at the park turned sour when he shared his interest on a documentary he watched about cannibalism and how he would like to try one day.”
• “Spilled soda on my crotch while pulling into her driveway. My first words when she answered the door were, ‘It’s not pee.’”
• “We were slow dancing and he Frenched my left eyeball.”
• “On our first date, my (future) husband choked on an omelet and blew an onion out of his nose. I married him anyway.”

2. This week’s happy birthdays go to:

• Actor Dolph Lundgren will be 65 on Saturday. By the way, his actual first name is Hans.
• Singer Art Garfunkel turns 81, also on Saturday. For the record, Paul Simon recently turned 81.
• Musician Sean Combs is 53 on Friday. Yes, Puff Daddy.
• Pro wrestler Chris Jericho will be 52 on Wednesday. The self-proclaimed leader of the Jericho Appreciation Society. 
• Singer Joni Mitchell turns 79 on Tuesday. The “Big Yellow Taxi” girl.

3. And now, my son Geoff’s weekly look at the NFL. And yes, Geoff is a smart-ass. 

“If you’re sick of reading about license plates and weird city names, you’re in the right section of this post,” the youngest Eighinger claims. “It’s time for football commentary from the only Eighinger who doesn’t phone it in each week. This past week saw the overachieving New York franchises return to planet Earth, Tom Brady’s life get a little worse and Aaron Rodgers questions his decision to remain in Green Bay. Now, I bring you my Top Five:”

• 5. Dallas Cowboys (6-2): Dak is back, and the Cowboys are 2-0 since his return. It looks like three of the four NFC East teams could be headed to the playoffs.
• 4. Kansas City Chiefs (5-2): After a bye week, they host the 5-2 Titans in a quality matchup. His commercials kinda suck, but QB Patrick Mahomes remains one of the best.
• 3. Minnesota Vikings (6-1): They could easily be 4-3, but the Vikes have somehow managed to keep the purple train rolling. The NFC North is horrible, so they could sail into the playoffs with relative ease.
• 2. Philadelphia Eagles (7-0): Still undefeated and facing a lackluster remaining schedule. Jalen Hurts isn’t the greatest QB in the league, but he does almost everything right.
• 1. Buffalo Bills (6-1): Despite two picks, QB Josh Allen led the Bills to a big win against Green Bay on Sunday Night Football. That Nov. 13 contest hosting Minnesota is looking like the biggest game of the year for both teams.

Steve Thought O’ The Day
The girl’s name was Connie. I just remembered!

Steve Eighinger writes daily for Muddy River News. It took him a while to remember Connie. Betcha he remembers what he had for dinner on that first date.