Save yourself time and peace of mind, just make a food run

By Steve Eighinger

Can there possibly be a better time of year than the middle of the summer?

It’s sunny. It’s warm. The roads are free of ice and snow. Well, you get the point. There are, however, some items dealing with this time of the year that can be overrated, such as iced tea. I know, I know, iced tea is loved and adored by millions. To me, though, it’s like someone mixed root beer and coffee and added ice cubes. So, if iced tea is overrated, what is underrated, you ask? Just about any hot-weather liquid that is not iced tea.

Some other similar mid-summer observations:

Overrated: Those backyard cookouts that require hours of preparation, from going to the nearest supermarket for all the necessary ingredients to the standing over the grill overseeing the cooking of large chunks of red meat in 90-degree weather. Oh, and did I mention all the small, winged creatures likely to land in the potato salad and cole slaw while you’re waiting for those burgers and steaks to cook?

Underrated: Getting in your SUV and driving a few minutes minutes to the nearest sub shop or fast-food outlet and picking up enough grub to feed your guests. Let’s be honest, those guests don’t care if you and the Little Woman prepared the food, or if it happened to be some teenager at Subway or Wendy’s. Just as long as there is food, that’s the bottom line.

Overrated: Mowing your yard. How many folks have you heard say how much they enjoy spending an hour or two or three either walking their property or operating a riding mower in hot, humid summer conditions? Whatever that number is, they are … um, well, lying. Absolutely no one enjoys mowing the yard, at least in the middle of summer.

Underrated: Sitting on the front porch or back patio (wherever there is the most shade) and watching my man Neil — who I gladly give a check to each Thursday — mow Eighinger Acres. And might I add, there are some Thursdays I gladly hand Neil that check while sipping on a glass of anything but iced tea.

Overrated: Sunbathing. First of all, there are parts of my body that have never been touched by the rays of the sun, and nor will they ever be. Secondly, it’s summer, and there are baseball games to watch — inside an air-conditioned mancave. In addition, there are two nasty things that can happen with overexposure to the sun — your skin can be burnt to a crisp and you can sweat. A lot. I prefer neither of the last two.

Underrated: There’s actually a lot to be said about a pasty white look, not to mention air conditioning. Ah, summer … it’s a great time of the year.

If I had my way …I would demand all fast-food eating establishments:
* Have breakfast items available throughout the day. Ending breakfast offerings at 10:30 a.m. or 11 a.m. is absurd. At worst, a limited breakfast menu should be available until closing.
* Have crushed ice be mandatory for all soft drinks. Cubes be gone.
* Be required to serve hot fries, or the meal is free. There’s nothing worse than a mouthful of lukewarm fries.
* Offer the option of onion rings. Make that crispy onion rings.
* Offer a wider assortment of milkshakes to go with the traditional chocolate, vanilla and in some cases strawberry. How about adding orange and mint flavorings for starters?

Top 5

The best-looking Major League Baseball uniforms:

1. St. Louis Cardinals: It’s hard to beat the birds on the bat for a great-looking jersey. Home or away, St. Louis is always the best-looking team on the field.

2. Oakland A’s: When they wear the kelly green tops, usually at home once or twice a week, the A’s are arguably as stylish as the Cardinals.

3. Chicago White Sox: Another team with a great look, home or away. The home pinstripes, coupled with the black jerseys with silver accents, should become mighty popular as the summer progresses and the Chisox move closer to an A.L. Central title. 

4. Philadelphia Phillies: The Phillies have three basic sets of quality uniforms. My favorite is actually their away grays, which might be the top road uniform the majors.

5. San Diego Padres: Those new home pinstripes have a classic look, and for the first time in their 53-year history, the Padres have gone ZZ Top on us. They are truly sharp-dressed men. 

PUBLISHER’S NOTE: The views and opinions of Steve Eighinger are not necessarily those of the management of Muddy River News. Mainly, iced tea is nectar and cookouts are one of the most ‘Merican things about ‘Merica. We concur with his views regarding the birds on the bat. JRG

Steve Eighinger’s newest columns drop on Mondays and Thursdays. They always are available for free at Muddy River News.