DAILY DIRT: ‘Tis the season for ‘National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation’

But is it the No. 1 all-time Christmas comedy film? … Welcome to today’s three thoughts that make up Vol. 796 of The Daily Dirt.

1. It’s always been a holiday tradition in the Eighinger household to watch “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation,” the Chevy Chase film that debuted in 1989.

I’m pretty sure we all know the best lines by heart, but that actually makes it even more fun. Here’s 10 of my personal favorite excerpts from one of the all-time Christmas season classics:

• 1. “Sh*tter’s fill.” — Cousin Eddie, portrayed by Randy Quaid.
• 2. “Is your house on fire, Clark?” — Aunt Bethany, portrayed by Mae Questel.
• 3. “Oh, the silent majesty of a winter’s morn; the clean, cool chill of the holiday air; and an assh*le in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer.” — Clark Griswold, portrayed by Chevy Chase.
• 4. “Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?” — Clark Griswold.
• 5. “You ain’t never seen a set on a dog like this one’s got, Clark.” — Cousin Eddie.
• 6. “Clark, Audrey’s frozen from the waist down.” — Ellen Griswold, portrayed by Beverly D’Angelo.
• 7. “Welcome to our home — what’s left of it.” — Ellen Griswold.
• 8. “Yes, it’s a bit nipply out, I mean nippy out.” — Clark Griswold.
• 9. “Save the neck for me, Clark.” — Cousin Eddie.
• 10. “Worse?! How could things get any worse? Take a look around you, Ellen! We’re at the threshold of hell!!” — Clark Griswold.

Looking back over the cast for this movie, I had totally forgotten about who had some of the supporting roles. Did you remember that:

• Johnny Galacki played Russell Griswold?
• Juliette Lewis played Audrey Griswold?
• Julia Louis-Dreyfus played Margo Chester?
• Doris Roberts played Frances Smith?

Hmmm … I may need to watch it again!

2. So, where does “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation” rank among the all-time best Christmas-themed comedies?

Here’s one man’s opinion:

Gold medal: “Love, Actually” (2003): My favorite Christmas movie, regardless of genre, but the fact there are some outright hilarious scenes in this movie — plus a few tear-jerking moments, too — will always keep “Love, Actually” atop this and other similar lists. High Grant and Bill Nighy’s performances were Oscar worthy. Who would have ever guessed nine intertwined stories could have added up to one incredible film like this one? 

Silver medal: “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation” (1989): “The National Lampoon movies have a knack for taking romanticized moments of family life — summertime vacations, holiday gatherings — and revealing them for the messy, hilarious ordeals they often can be,” writes Marisa Lascala of goodhousekeeping.com.

Bronze medal: “A Christmas Story” (1983): This film could land at or near the top of a number of categories. One of my favorite parts is when Ralphie gets his tongue stuck on the steel pole. 

Honorable mention: “Bad Santa” (2003): Billy Bob Thornton plays a foul-mouthed mall Santa who’s secretly planning a Christmas heist, but winds up bonding with a local kid and developing some holiday spirit in spite of himself.

3. The best from “Found on Facebook” from the past week:

• “Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.”
• “Stereotyping: Using two keyboards at the same time.”
• “Why is Miss Universe always from Earth?”
• “Bruce Lee had a vegan brother. Broco Lee.”
• “Four stages of a man’s life: 1. You believe in Santa. 2. You don’t believe in Santa. 3. You are Santa. 4. You look like Santa.”

Steve Thought O’ The Day — I see where former NFL coach Jon Gruden might be the next Indiana Hoosiers coach. The key word is “might,” but if that actually did come to fruition … my oh my, wouldn’t that be interesting? 

Steve Eighinger writes daily for Muddy River News. He has not yet called for Ryan Day to be fired.