Daily Dirt: ‘I’m so overexposed I make Paris Hilton look like a recluse’

Daily Dirt for Wednesday, April 3, 2024

Who said those presidents didn’t have a sense of humor? … Welcome to today’s three thoughts that make up Vol. 910 of The Daily Dirt.

1. When I think about U.S. presidents, their sense(s) of humor are not normally the first thing that comes to mind.

Recently my eyes were opened to a different side of many of those who have occupied the Oval Office through the years. I first stumbled across humorous offerings from Abe Lincoln, which led me to think: How many of the other stuffed shirts had a funny side, too?

Here’s some of the best from what I uncovered:

• “Honestly, if I were two-faced, would I be showing you this one?” — Abe Lincoln.
• “Being president is like being a jackass in a hailstorm. There’s nothing to do but to stand there and take it.” — Lyndon B. Johnson.
• “My esteem in this country has gone up substantially. It is very nice now when people wave at me, they use all their fingers.” — Jimmy Carter.
• “I will not make age an issue of this campaign. I am not going to exploit for political purposes my opponent’s youth and inexperience.” — Ronald Reagan.
• “I’m so overexposed I make Paris Hilton look like a recluse.” — Barack Obama.
• “Being president is like running a cemetery. You’ve got a lot of people under you and nobody’s listening.” — Bill Clinton.
• “There is no pleasure in having nothing to do. The fun is having lots to do and not doing it.” —Andrew Jackson.
• “You don’t know how to lie. If you can’t lie, you’ll never go anywhere.” — Richard Nixon.
• “When they call the roll in the Senate, the senators do not know whether to answer ‘present’ or ‘not guilty.’” — Theodore Roosevelt.
• “There is nothing left to do but get drunk.” — Franklin Pierce (on what he planned to do when leaving the presidency).
• “If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog.” — Harry S. Truman.
• “Blessed are the young, for they will inherit the national debt.” — Herbert Hoover.

2. It was a great week for plate surfing on the streets and highways of West-Central Illinois and Northeast Missouri. Although no new members are on the 2024 Great Plate Debate medal stand, interesting spottings were made by our readers and yours truly.

Here are the best:

• CUBBY W
• GUAPO 5
• DAD 25
• JESJAS 1
• 5 ODEAR
• PAT T 100
• ZIGA 1
• FLOW 59

The current medal holders remain:

• Gold medal: US-MALE. 
• Silver medal: AUZZIE.
• Bronze medal: DA LIFE. 

3. The year was 1994 — which for the mathematically challenged, was 30 years ago. These were my 10 favorite songs. Where do they rank in the jukebox of YOUR mind?

• 1. “I’d Do Anything For Love,” by Meat Loaf: One of the artists I truly regret not having seen in concert.
• 2. “December, 1963 (Oh What A Night),” by the 4 Seasons: Drummer Gerry Polci sang lead on what was — in mind, anyway — the finest song ever from this storied group.
• 3. “Shut Up And Kiss Me,” by Mary Chapin Carpenter: A major crossover hit by my favorite female artist of the early 1990s.
• 4. “All for Love,” by Bryan Addams, Rod Stewart and Sting: Lifted from “The Three Musketeers” film.
• 5. “Said I Loved You But I Lied,” by Michael Bolton: The adult contemporary side of me liked this one.
• 6. “She’s Not The Cheating Kind,” Brooks and Dunn: Yes, legit country counts, too.
• 7. “Linger,” by the Cranberries: Unfortunately, this Irish alternative group will always be remembered more for the tragic death of Dolores O’Riordan than its haunting music.
• 8. “All I Wanna Do,” by Sheryl Crow: I always wanted to see and hear a duet with Crow and Rod the Mod.
• 9. “Rock And Roll Dreams Come Through,” by Meat Loaf: For those who might not have known, The Loaf died from Covid-19 in 2022 at the age of 74. His real name was Marvin Lee Aday. 
• 10. “Can You Feel the Love Tonight,” by Elton John: I’ve always preferred the ballad side of Mr. John.

Steve Eighinger writes daily for Muddy River News. If Marvin Lee Aday could change his name to Meat Loaf and become a successful singer, so can Steve. His stage name likely would be something like “Plain Burger.”