DAILY DIRT: From ‘Did you fall in?’ to ‘What’s the damage?’ … there is a universal language among dads

Daily Dirt for Thursday, Oct. 31, 2024

Moms will never be able to appreciate what it takes to be a witty dad … Welcome to today’s three thoughts that make up Vol. 1,100 of The Daily Dirt.

1. For those who might not be aware — that would be mostly females, of course — dads have their own special language, especially the older dads in the crowd.

What exactly does that mean? Well, how many of the following phrases does your dad (repeatedly) offer, especially in a crowd?

• “Did you fall in?” (For those who take awhile in the bathroom, they can always count on dad to utter those famous words.)
• “We needed the rain.” (Every. Time. It. Rains.)
• “What’s the damage?” (Before looking at a bill. Any bill. Every bill.)
• “Let’s rock and roll.” (When it’s time to leave.)
• “Looks like we’ll have to amputate.” (When a grandson suffers a minor scrape.)
• “Guess it’s free then.” (When a cashier has trouble scanning an item.)
• “Guess they’ll let anyone in here.” (When seeing a friend in public at a restaurant or in line at Walmart.)
• “Can’t get very far without these.” (After he goes back in the house to get his car keys.)
• “Look, horses.” (Every time when the family drives by a farm and there are … horses.)
• “Found it.” (After pointing a stud finder to his chest.)

Ahhh … dads. You know ’em. You love ’em.

2. Did you know (Part 171)

• That Subway will be offering a Double-Chocolate (with chocolate chips) Peppermint foot-long cookie for $5. This promotion is supposed to start Nov. 1.
• That Cheesy Tots have returned to Burger King.
• That Culver’s has Hot Honey Cheese Curds.
• That Taco Bell will soon offering five stainless steel collective cups with an accent on retro design, plus hoodies as part of its latest merch drop.
• That Dunkin’s new holiday menu, which is supposed to be available Friday, will include a Hash Brown Brisket Scramble, Almond Croissant and Cookie Butter Specialty Doughnut.

3. So, you think your son or daughter possesses what might be elite basketball talent?

If so, you might want to check into Montverde Academy in the Florida town of the same name. But I warn you, the tuition check you write will be memorable.

Montverde has won eight national boys basketball titles — according to the nation’s major prep ranking services — since 2012, including last season when the Eagles went 33-0. 

Montverde hired a guy named Kevin Boyle as coach in 2011. Montverde has only lost 27 games since.

And the Montverde girls basketball program is not too shabby either, having won three straight national championships.

Oh, about that tuition. It costs $57,380 a year to attend Montverde. The college preparatory school has an enrollment of a little more 1,200 and offers 20 varsity sports.

Steve Thought O’ The Day — Personally, I use the “Did you fall in?” line at least six times a week.

Steve Eighigner writes daily for Muddy River News. Apparently, the Little Woman spends a lot of time in the bathroom … probably hiding from Steve.