DAILY DIRT: From parachute pants to mullets, the ’80s were unfortunately known for more than Whitney, Michael and big hair 

Daily Dirt for Saturday, Nov. 16, 2024

Whatever happened to all of those Cabbage Patch dolls? … Welcome to today’s three thoughts that make up Vol. 1,114 of The Daily Dirt.

1. The decade was the 1980s, and for every positive contribution to society that emerged there were arguably two forgettable items that made an appearance during this distinctive 10-year period.

Here’s a sampling:

The ’80s gave us Whitney Houston in all her glory, but the decade also delivered those horrendous “shoulder pads” in guys’ suit coats and girls’ jackets. One description of this fad called a group of office workers all sporting the shoulder pads look nothing more than an “army of triangles”. And then were was the “acid-washed” look for anything denim, giving an entirely new meaning to bad fashion.

The ’80s also gave us the best years of Michael Jackson, but it also provided us with Cabbage Patch dolls and VHS tapes. Adults would go as far as fighting in stores — literally — in order to get one of the dolls that looked like lumpy potatoes with yarn hair. The VHS tapes often needed the help of a pencil or pen to rewind them, and often had “worn lines” on the screen when they were played. 

The ’80s introduced us to the biggest and best hair of all time (Cher, Tina Turner, Ann Wilson), but also showed us how ridiculous we could look in one of those “mullet” haircuts that emphasized “business in the front” and “party in the back”. Yearbook photos from the 1980s have forever preserved this mistake in grooming. Even rock stars looked ridiculous.

The ’80s showcased some of our favorite films like “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” and “When Harry Met Sally,” but was also responsible for parachute pants. Not even M.C. Hammer could pull off that disastrous look. Even walking became a noisy adventure.

The ’80s gave sports fans the exciting Amazin’ Mets with Doctor K and Darryl Strawberry, but the decade also provided us some of the worst car models ever. Boxy disasters like the Chrysler LeBaron and Chevrolet Citation ruled much of the road and defined auto mediocrity.  

2. Did you know (Part 188)

• That a baby pigeon is called a squab.
• That a baby swan is called a cygnet.
• That a baby hawk is called an eyas.
• That a baby porcupine is called a porcupette.
• That a baby platypus is called a puggle.

3. Our weekly list of happy celebrity birthdays:

• Actress Lisa Bonet is 57 today. She was always my favorite on “The Cosby Show”. She played Denise Huxtable.
• Actor Danny DeVito turns 80 on Sunday. He’s more years old than he is inches tall.
• Famous cartoon character Mickey Mouse will be 96 on Monday. Was always much funnier than Daffy Duck.
• Actress Meg Ryan turns 63 on Tuesday. We hear she may soon be trying a comeback.
• Actress Jodie Foster will be 62, also on Tuesday. Yes, she’s still involved in the HBO anthology series “True Detective”.

Steve Thought O’ The Day – Who’s taller, Danny DeVito or Mickey Mouse?

Steve Eighinger writes daily for Muddy River News. His mullet was amazing.