DAILY DIRT: Doctor of Love offers some keen insight to breaking up

Daily Dirt for Tuesday, March 18, 2025

I predict that when digesting the following the “been there, done that” thought will pop into your head a minimum of four times … Welcome to today’s three thoughts that make up Vol. 1,231 of The Daily Dirt

1. Remember back in the day when one of those teenage romances just wasn’t working out?

I think I would be confident in saying that we all found ourselves in either the dump-er or dump-ee role. Probably on numerous occasions, right? Never pretty, usually ruined the day … correct? 

The hardest part always seemed to be coming up with the proper combinations of words — you never quite knew how to break it to the other person you wished to exit from as a couple, and maybe worse was being the one told that your services were no longer needed. Ouch. 

 Well, here are a few lines I wish I had known during those turbulent high school years and beyond:

• “I think it’s time we take our relationship to the previous level.” (This could someday be a classic opening line in a breakup situation.)
• “Our relationship needs push-ups, because it’s not just working out.” (Best said with some bitterness in the tone.)
• “If you take the ‘L’ out of lover, it’s over.” (Best said with even more bitterness in the tone.)
• “We need to cover more ground, so we should split up.” 

And if it has the makings if a really nasty split, you might try these:

• “You’re like my phone’s battery — always draining me.”
• “Do you believe in love at first sight? Because I’m about to walk out and come back in so you can see what you’re going to be missing.” (Either one of these first two remarks will likely attract flying objects headed your way.)
• “Is it hot in here, or is it just the flames of our relationship burning out?”
•  “I’m breaking up with you because I need someone who’s actually present when we’re together.”
• “You’re like a Monday — nobody likes you.” (Hmm … really, really harsh.)

And the ultimate breakup line? How about this one:

• “You’re the reason I’ve learned to love being alone.”

Hey, this is why I’m the Doctor of Love. You’re welcome.

2. Did you know (Part 306)

• That an adult rat can squeeze into your home through a hole as small as the size of a quarter.
• That rats do not have thumbs.
• That during your lifetime, you will produce enough saliva to fill two swimming pools.
• That human feet have 500,000 sweat glands and can produce more than a pint of sweat a day.
• That the three things pregnant women dream most of during their first trimester are frogs, worms and potted plants. Scientists have no idea why this is so, but attribute it to the growing imbalance of hormones in the body during pregnancy. 

3. Here are five more artists I think are worthy for the Rock Hall of Fame, but for some reason have repeatedly been overlooked:

Boston: If for no other reason, the group’s debut album in 1976 sold more than 17 million copies. Obviously someone liked these guys. This has always been a group with one of those “signature” sounds.

Steppenwolf: This was one of the flagship groups of the counterculture. John Kay, who is still performing at age 80, will always be considered one of the iconic front men of rock. He’s the one who introduced the phrase “heavy metal thunder” in “Born To Be Wild”.

Kansas: Wrote Brian Kachejian for classicrockhistory.com, “Kansas’s absence from the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame isn’t just an oversight—it’s a failure to acknowledge a band that married technical brilliance with mainstream accessibility like few others. Their ability to craft sprawling, ambitious compositions that still resonated with everyday rock fans set them apart from their prog-rock peers.”

Bachman-Turner Overdrive: Few bands have embraced the spirit of feel-good rock and roll like these guys. BTO was one of the most popular acts of the 1970s.

Blood, Sweat and Tears: The group was able to blend brass-heavy arrangements with rock rhythms that separated it from other acts. Three of BS&T’s biggest hits, “Spinning Wheel,” “You’ve Made Me So Very Happy,” and “And When I Die,” remain on classic rock playlists today.

Steve Thought O’ The Day — A longtime friend of mine back in Ohio was the biggest Kansas fan I have ever known. He passed away about a month ago. Thought No. 3 is for you, Jeff.

Steve Eighinger writes daily for Muddy River News. Kansas the band, great. Kansas, the university, not so much.