DAILY DIRT: Me? I prefer the term ‘mature’ to ‘elderly’ or ‘old’

Daily Dirt for Tuesday April 15, 2025

For the record, I’ll never feel the same again about vanilla flavoring … Welcome to today’s three thoughts that make up Vol. 1,257 of The Daily Dirt.

1. Getting old can be demanding.

Each morning (or, let’s be honest, early afternoon) when I rise and shine I need a good hour in the living room recliner to fully awaken and get prepared for what the day might hold. That hour is normally spent reviewing messages and emails on my phone.

Along with that morning/early afternoon hour in the recliner, there are other signs a person is getting older, such as:

• It takes two tries to get up from the couch (or out of that recliner).
• The candles on your birthday cake now cost more than the cake itself.
• When people repeatedly tell you “how good you look”.
• Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren’t wearing any.
• It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
• Everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work.
• You remember using a rotary phone. And a typewriter. And a record player. And a phone book.
• You still prefer a folded, paper map when you take a trip.
• Wish the days of CDs and going to Blockbuster could somehow make a comeback.
• You find yourself preferring the term “mature” to “old” or “elderly”.
• You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don’t even remember being on top of it. 

2. Did you know (Part 333)

• That vanilla flavoring can be made from beaver secretions.
• That a cucumber is about 95 percent water, and a watermelon is about 92 percent water.
• That “SPAM” is actually short for “spiced ham”.
• That Oreo cookies contain no milk, egg or any other animal-derived products. So, technically they’re actually vegan cookies.
• That it takes about 540 peanuts to make a 12-ounce jar of peanut butter.

3. The top five richest dwarves in the world:

1. Shatta Bandle, $9.6 BILLION: Bandle is a Ghanaian billionaire and internet sensation. The dwarf who is known for being controversial on social media for displaying his luxurious lifestyle and making funny comments. He regards himself as the richest man in Ghana.

2. Peter Dinklage, $16 million: Dinklage is widely perceived as the world’s most famous dwarf because of his role in the HBO series “Game of Thrones,” which earned him international attention and acclaim.

3. Warrick Davis, $8 million: He is an English actor, television presenter, writer, director, comedian and producer. He got his start as a professional at the age of 11 when he was cast as an Ewok in “Return of the Jedi”. 

4. Martin Klebba, $7 million: Klebba has appeared in one capacity or another in many well-known recent feature films, most notably as Marty – one of Captain Jack Sparrow’s Black Pearl crew in the “Pirates of the Caribbean” series. He was also featured as one of the seven dwarfs in a TV production of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, plus in popular shows such as “CSI” and “Scrubs”. He has also gained fame among TV viewers for his participation in the TLC reality program “Little People, Big World”.

5. Tony Cox, $4 million: He is best known for his role in “Bad Santa,” where he played Marcus, the brains of a safe-cracking team.

Steve Thought O’ The Day — Arachibutyrophobia is the fear of getting peanut butter stuck to the roof of your mouth. 

Steve Eighinger writes daily for Muddy River News. He should be known as “seasoned.”