DAILY DIRT: ‘Do you play bingo, because I swear I’ve seen you B4’

Daily Dirt for Saturday April 19, 2025

Don’t forget, I’m a happy married senior citizen  … Welcome to today’s three thoughts that make up Vol. 1,259 of The Daily Dirt

1. First of all, I may be happiest married man in history. 

I just needed to get that out front before today’s first thought. You”ll understand why in a few more words.

A regular reader of The Daily Dirt sent me an item I found absolutely hilarious and felt it my duty to share with you. It’s titled “Top Senior Pickup Lines”:

• “Do you have an oxygen tank? Because you took my breath away.”
• “Like to come by and see my medicine cabinet?”
• “Make like a compression sock and give me a squeeze.”
• “Ever had a lap dance in a wheelchair before?”
• “Do you play bingo, because I swear I’ve seen you B4.”
• “That pretty smile of yours would sure look good in a glass on my nightstand.”
• “Your heating pad or mine?”

Thankfully, I’ll never have to try any of these. (Did I say I may be the happiest married man in history?)

2. Did you know (Part 337)

• That there are sushi-flavored KitKat bars in Japan.
• That penicillin was initially called “mold juice”.
• That lemons float in water, but limes sink.
• That Central Park in New York City is larger than the entire country of Monaco.
• That the largest bowling alley in the world is in Japan and has 116 lanes. (The largest U.S. bowling alley is Thunderbowl Lanes in Allen Park, Mich., which features 90 lanes.)

3. How many times have you been asked to do something or go somewhere you have no interest in?

Nada. Zilch. Nyet.

And making matters worse is the person asking you is a good friend, or maybe even a relative. How can you — ever so politely — get out of this potential social disaster?

Well, as always, I’m here to help. Here are few nice ways to say “no way on Earth do I want anything to do with that”:

• “I’m honored, but I have to say no.” (The politest rejection.)
• “I’m taking a step back from new commitments.” (Still polite, but it tells who is asking, “Don’t even think about asking me again”.)
• “I need to say no to protect my time.” (A nice way of saying, “Bug off.”)
• “I’m not the best person for that.” (I’m also not the best person for any other favor you might be asking of me.”)
• “I don’t have the capacity to give it the attention it deserves.” (And nor will I ever … )
• “I wish I could, but it’s not possible right now.” (Or tomorrow, or the next day, or the next day after that.)
• “It’s not a good fit for me at this time.” (Or tomorrow, or the next day, or the next day after that.)
• “I’m practicing saying no more often — this is one of those times.” (Best one yet!)

Steve Thought O’ The Day – I’m kind of excited. I just heard Taco Bell chicken nuggets are returning on April 24.

Steve Eighinger writes daily for Muddy River News. Looks like the Little Woman gets date night at Taco Bell next week.