Areas of Sexpertise: The porn warp —XXXpectations vs. reality

This article was written in partnership with Heming Sexual Wellness Clinic as part of the Areas of Sexpertise project.

QUINCY — In the absence of comprehensive and effective sex education across most of the United States, more and more young people are turning to porn as a form of education. Considering the absence of such education is by no means a new development, odds are that you might’ve learned a good chunk of information about sex from porn, too. 

“A couple minutes of foreplay, penetration, mind blowing orgasms, rolling credits — this type of pornography is fantastic for rapidly building sexual stimulation,” said Leah Heming, a certified sexual health counselor. “However, it is not at all a credible source of education.”

That being said, it’s easy to forget that the purpose of porn is to entertain, not to serve as a how-to guide. We gave some of the most common porn-related myths a much needed reality check.

MYTH #1: A healthy sexual appetite doesn’t include porn

Heming said pornography can be used as a helpful tool for inspiration and exploration.

“People search recipes to introduce new foods into their flavor palate or to add extra ingredients to meals that they already enjoy. Pornography can do the same thing for your sexual palate,” she said. “(It) allows individuals or couples to explore a multitude of sexual positions, fantasies and kinks.” 

Heming said that even the most basic of cooking skills, like boiling water, are a mystery until someone teaches us. We might learn how to use the microwave and start seasoning our food with salt and pepper, and eventually might master the same five recipes to hold us over. 

“Watching pornography is like trying a new recipe. There are some recipes that are quick and satisfying, there are some that require multiple steps and take practice to perfect, and there are some that take such detail and presentation that we prefer someone else to make for us,” Heming said.

Of course, like anything else, porn absolutely has the potential to become harmful when abused. If you find yourself using it as a coping mechanism or are consumed by an uncontrollable need to consume or spend money on it, it might be time to rethink your relationship with it. (More information and helpful resources on porn addiction can be found here.)

MYTH #2: That’s what happens during an orgasm

Though portrayals of orgasms certainly aren’t limited to porn, it’s arguably where they’re most overhyped. There’s convulsions, hyperventilating, screaming… If not for the absence of clothes, one could easily mistake the phenomenon for an exorcism.

It’s important to note first that, aside from the wage gap, there’s another significant gap between men and women that’s more observable to women: the orgasm gap. A 2005 study found that only 39 percent of women reported having regular orgasms in comparison to 90 percent of men. The gap had narrowed by 2018, with 65 percent of women and 95 percent of men reporting regular orgasms; this could be due to an increase in honest communication as a result of efforts to destigmatize sexual topics.

A 2018 analysis of the top 50 most popular videos of all time on adult entertainment site PornHub found that men were portrayed reaching an orgasm 78 percent of the time, compared to less than 20 percent of women. Furthermore, the male orgasm was the finale of the video in nearly 95 percent of videos analyzed; only one video concluded with a female orgasm. 

In real life, if women reach orgasm at all, it’s much less obvious than male orgasms, which typically (but don’t always) involve ejaculation, which is why the portrayal of the female orgasm in porn is oftentimes much more performative than authentic. Moaning, facial contortions and hyperventilation were the top three indicators of female orgasms, while ejaculation, moaning and hyperventilating were the top indicators for men.

“As a result, representations of male and female orgasm in mainstream pornography may serve to perpetuate unrealistic beliefs and expectations in relation to female orgasm and male sexual performance,” the study noted.

The study also stated that “many women and their partners feel a sense of inadequacy or frustration if female orgasm does not occur during sex,” which brings us to the all-too-familiar act of faking an orgasm.

A 2010 study found that the 28 percent of men and 67 percent of women who faked orgasms during penetrative intercourse did so by shaking, moaning, screaming and more — all commonly found in pornographic portrayals of orgasms. As they say, life imitates art. 

Additionally, a study published in 2022 found that women who out-earned their male counterparts were twice as likely to fake an orgasm.

MYTH #3: Women don’t watch porn

Au contraire; the amount of women watching porn has been steadily increasing over the last decade.

Women accounted for 23% of PornHub’s global viewership in 2014, the first year the site published its annual report. Their most recent report shows that figure has climbed 15 percentage points to 38 percent — now accounting for nearly two in five visitors to the site.

The report shows the top three categories for women include “lesbian,” “Japanese” and “MILF.” Women were 63 percent more likely than men to watch lesbian porn, 103 percent more likely to watch cunnilingus videos and 143 percent more likely to watch scissoring videos (sexual activity involving vulva-to-vulva contact).

Interestingly, women are more likely than men to seek out content that typically presents women as the recipient of aggressive sexual behavior, such as “gangbang” (37 percent more likely), “hardcore” (36 percent) and “bondage” (30 percent).

MYTH #4: All vaginas are ‘small, groomed and tidy’

A 2022 study found that the majority of vulvas depicted in porn looked the same, noting their appearance as “small, groomed and tidy,” with the inner labia folds (labia minora) neatly tucked into the outer ones (labia majora) and little to no pubic hair. 

“Undeviating depictions could influence women’s genital ideals, pushing them to seek out extreme surgery and beauty measures in order to adhere to the standards presented,” it noted.

The rate of labiaplasty surgeries (the reduction of the labia minora) have skyrocketed in recent years. Nearly 19,000 labiaplasties were recorded in 2021, up from roughly 9,000 in 2015. While this trend has not been directly linked to pornography, the majority of patients report feelings of appearance-related insecurity as one of the motivations behind seeking the procedure out.

The rise in popularity of vaginal bleaching is another potential side effect. Though research has yet to be conducted on the motivations behind vaginal bleaching specifically, many wellness and pop culture outlets attribute the trend to the “pink p***y” portrayal of female anatomy in the adult film industry. The uniformed presentation leads viewers to believe the outer folds are the same color as the rest of the body and the inner folds are bubblegum-pink, despite a 2005 study finding that the genital areas of more than four in five female participants were darker skin.

In 2019 English photographer Laura Dodsworth captured 100 vulvas to show what real bodies look like — not the ones altered and enhanced for others’ consumption.

“Where would you normally see another vulva? Mainly only in porn,” she said in a 2019 BBC article. “There’s a world of difference between how you see vulvas in porn – and how you see them in real life. It’s so important for women to know what vulvas look like. It can help with body image anxiety. We really need to talk about them because many women haven’t looked at their own. They don’t know what’s down there.”

Dodsworth’s vulva photos were the third installment of her Bare Reality series, which also included photos of 100 sets of breasts and 100 penises documented for the same reason.

MYTH #5: All penises are at least seven inches long and stay erect for at least 25 minutes

Scholarly literature is limited on male adult performers, but considering “big d**k” was in PornHub’s top 20 most viewed categories for 2024, it’s fair to say that the general presumption for many is that, well, size matters. 

On an online forum asking what the minimum penis length was to become a porn star, one user stated the “minimal size… accepted” was seven inches but that “+8” was the norm. 

A 2020 study noted that “most men believe” the average length of an erect penis is at least six inches, but the data revealed the average length to be between 5.1 and 5.5 inches. As the numbers were self-reported in some instances (which tend to be inflated), the actual average is estimated to be slightly lower.

The stamina of male porn stars is certainly admirable, though totally unrealistic for most men. In many cases, it’s even unrealistic for the stars themselves. 

In addition to the use of strategic camera angles and flawless editing, one study found that roughly 70 percent of male adult entertainers used erectile aids. Interestingly, younger men aged 20 to 29 reported the highest rates of performance enhancers (84 percent) — as well as the highest rate of erectile dysfunction (26 percent).

The average erection lasts roughly seven minutes when engaged in intercourse, but the duration varies greatly and can be influenced by stress level, drugs and alcohol, age and other factors. 

In conclusion, porn isn’t inherently bad nor is it inherently good. Its impact depends entirely on the viewer’s perception, which is why it’s increasingly important to understand how different it can be from the real world as porn becomes more and more accessible. 

So keep these in mind the next time you hit the ‘Hub — you’re sexy when you know stuff. 

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