Daily Dirt: Before buying more Christmas presents, be sure to follow Steve’s advice

Daily Dirt for Saturday, Nov. 25, 2024

For the record, no one has ever given me an exercise- or diet-related book for a gift. I guess I have a lot of realistic friends … Welcome to today’s three thoughts that make up Vol. 792 of The Daily Dirt.

1. Since we are now in the early stages of Christmas shopping, it might be wise to offer a few hints about gifts to avoid buying, even if your intentions are good. You know, the practical presents that make sense on paper but realistically are major duds.

These are five of the worst presents you can give a fellow man, or fellow woman:

• 1. Anything that is exercise- or diet-related: You may think you’re being thoughtful by getting someone workout equipment or a membership to a gym, etc. Before you do, think again. Unless you’re buying a gift for a fitness fanatic – even then it’s still a bit risky – it’s never a good idea to give anything exercise or diet-related. Instead of getting a “thank you,” you’re more likely to get a “what are you trying to say?” reaction.
• 2. Self-help books: This ties in with No. 1. To start with, opening a present only to find a self-help book is never enjoyable. If nothing else, you’re telling that person he/she needs help. The book is probably going to end up as a doorstop.
• 3. Socks: Arguably the most impersonal gift ever. Yes, everyone wears socks, but we’re pretty sure that everyone has enough socks in drawers at their home to last at least three lifetimes. “And don’t even get us started on festive socks or ones with cartoons on them,” writes Jenny Leung for timeout.com.
• 4. Gift cards to places you never go: While gift cards can be a practical gift in many ways, sometimes it’s just obvious that not a lot of thought was put into the present. Like a gift card to a candy shop for someone who has repeatedly announced he/she is on a diet, or a gift card to steak house for a vegetarian. Come on people. We can do better.
• 5. Statement mugs: Another mug. How original. It’ll go great in the back of the cupboard, sitting along with 20 other mugs that say something like “Don’t talk to me before I finish my coffee.” Nobody needs — or wants — another mug.

2. Three of the best heartwarming thoughts about the Christmas season that we all hold dear:

• Gold medal: “It’s that special time of year when your whole family gathers together in one place to look at their cellphones.” — comedian Jimmy Kimmel.
• Silver medal: “I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange.” — comedian Henny Youngman.
• Bronze medal: “It’s always consoling to know that today’s Christmas gifts are tomorrow’s garage sales.” — comedian Milton Berle.

• 3. The leaders held serve in the weekly Great Plate Debate of 2023. No changes in the medal stand from last week, but we did come across some interesting challengers over the past week:

• 4 SPECS
• BZILLA 9
• BLUE 99
• SOLD U 3
• KATZ 59

Here are the current leaders as the number of weeks dwindle to a precious few for 2023. Can BE A BETH hang on for the championship?

• Gold medal: BE A BETH.
• Silver medal: FUSEBOX. 
• Bronze medal: SALTED. 

A year ago today, the leaders were:

• Gold medal: IMDUMB. 
• Silver medal:OHYO ST8. 
• Bronze medal: 1 KWIKI.

Steve Thought O’ The Day
Jimmy Kimmel’s remark about the cellphones is spot on. 

Steve Eighinger writes daily for Muddy River News. Make it easy on yourself, readers. Any Christmas present for Steve should be food-related.