Daily Dirt: 141 hard-boiled eggs in 8 minutes? Oh my …

Daily Dirt for Saturday, March 19, 2022

All I can say before you read our first thought of the day is, “Please pass the Pepto.” Welcome to today’s three thoughts and Vol. 237 of The Daily Dirt.

1. The Major League Eating record book shows some interesting world-class feats, especially when it comes to some of the longest-standing achievements. Muddy River News believes it has an obligation to keep you informed, so here are some of the key feats that have stood the test of time, plus a few from recent years:

• 141 hard-boiled eggs by the world’s longtime No. 1-ranked eater, Joey Chestnutt, in 8 minutes: October, 2013.
• 10.63 pounds of corned beef and cabbage, Patrick Bertoletti, in 10 minutes: March, 2007.
• 26 Maid-Rite sandwiches, Patrick Bertoletti, in 10 minutes: November, 2010.
• 45 pulled-pork sandwiches, Joey Chestnutt, in 10 minutes: September, 2007.
• 53 Taco Bell soft tacos, Joey Chestnutt, in 10 minutes: July, 2011.
• 11 pounds of cheesecake, Sonya Thomas, in 9 minutes: September, 2004.
• 8.5 ounces of Maaui onions (three onions), Eric “Badlands” Booker, in 1 minute: August 2004.
• 8.31 pounds of Armour Vienna Sausages, Sonya Thomas, in 10 minutes: May 2005.
• 30 8-ounce gyros, Joey Chestnutt, in 10 minutes: May, 2016.
• 85 MoonPies, Matt Stonie, in 8 minutes: October 2016.
• 121 Twinkies, Joey Chestnutt, in 8 minutes: October, 2013.
• 10.5 pounds of Ramen Noodles, Tim “Eater X” Janus, in 8 minutes: October, 2007.
• 47 grilled cheese sandwiches, Joey Chestnutt, in 10 minutes: June, 2006.
• 257 Hostess Donettes, Joey Chestnutt, in 6 minutes: June, 2018.
• 182 bacon strips, Matt Stonie, in 5 minutes: February, 2015.

2. Some good offerings have been found on Facebook this week:

• “If you eat an entire cake without cutting it, you technically only had one piece.”
• “If you can think of a better fish pun … let minnow.”
• “Last night my wife asked me if I had seen the dog bowl. I said, ‘I didn’t know he could’.”
• “Every McDonald’s should have a flag to fly at half staff when the ice cream machine is broken.”
• “At my age, ‘getting lucky’ means finding my car in the parking lot.”

3. I recently came across an updated ranking of the all-time ugliest players in MLB history, thanks to bebetterbettor.com:

• 1. Don Mossi: Hard to ever argue with this pick. Doubtful whether his mother could even look at him.
• 2. Andy Etchebarren: Another hall of famer when it comes to ugly guys. That eyebrow. Wow.
• 3. Otis Nixon: It’s a good thing Otis and No. 4 never played in the same outfield. Women and children may have left the stadium.
• 4. Willie McGee: In the mid-1980s I was watching a Cardinals-Cubs game with my nephew, Scott, when McGee came to the plate. Scott, who was about 10 at the time, turned to his uncle and said, “Is something wrong with that guy?”
• 5. Randy Johnson: Easily the homeliest among the taller players.
• 6. George Foster: I have always thought he looked like a bigger version of Otis Nixon.
• 7. Bartolo Colon: He once referred to himself as “Big Sexy”. Well, “Big” was always accurate. 
• 8. Julian Tavarez: A writer once compared Tavarez to Freddy Krueger. Ouch.
• 9. Clay Bucholz: To be honest, I can’t figure out why he’s on this list, unless you go back to his mullet years. But in all fairness, his looks have been compared to Joe Dirt, so there’s that.
• 10. Julio Urias: Another borderline pick, but he has many years to move up in the rankings.

Steve Thought O’ The Day
Steve’s favorite female broadcaster is Ashley Brewer of ESPN. Everyone else is battling for No. 2.

Steve Eighinger writes daily for Muddy River News. As much as he writes about food, he has not yet competed in a Major League Eating event — but there’s still time.