Daily Dirt: A little Homer Simpson, a little Walter White and a lot of Al Bundy

Honestly, I think we all have a little Al Bundy and Homer Simpson in us … Welcome to Vol. 252 of The Daily Dirt.

1. All too often, I’m guilty of putting together the “best of” lists for this space.

Today we take a U-turn. I offer up the worst-ever TV dads in medal-worthy fashion:

Gold medal: Al Bundy, “Married … with Children”. From ew.com: ”I hate my life. Can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t bury the wife in the backyard,” says Bundy (played by Ed O’Neill), a father of two who’s best known for selling shoes (at minimum wage, no less) and sitting on the couch with a hand lodged in his pants. For Al, being a father and a husband means avoiding your family at all cost — when he’s not at the bowling alley or holding NO MA’AM (National Organization of Men Against Amazonian Masterhood) meetings, he’s watching sports on TV, downing beers, and acting like he couldn’t care less about what’s going on around him … Overall, Papa Bundy is as apathetic as they come, and he’s the worst dad to ever grace the tube.”

Silver medal: Walter White, “Breaking Bad”. From familyminded.com: “When given the news he has terminal cancer, chemistry teacher Walter White (portrayed by Bryan Cranston) decides to make meth so his family has a nest egg after he’s gone … or so he tells himself. Walter soon becomes a drug kingpin and murders dozens of people, all while pretending it’s for his family. In the final episode, he finally admits to wife Skyler (Anna Gunn) this was a lie, saying: ‘I did it for me. I liked it. I was good at it.'” 

Bronze medal: Homer Simpson, “The Simpsons”. From gazette.com: “While fun to laugh at, Homer Simpson is a constant embarrassment to his family. He’s pitted Bart and Lisa against each other several times, mostly ignores Maggie and even agreed to give Bart to Mr. Burns to raise as his own. He’s also full of bad advice, one time telling his kids, ‘You tried your best and failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.'”

2. We close our preseason look at the six MLB divisions with a glance at the American League Central: Order of finish: 1. Chicago, 2. Cleveland, 3. Detroit, 4. Minnesota, 5. Kansas City.

Why: This is an absolute no-brainer. The Chisox have a devastating batting order, and no worse than the second-best rotation and bullpen in the division. Cleveland’s pitching should keep it ahead of rapidly improving Detroit and rebounding Minnesota for at least one more summer. A year from now, this division might be the most balanced in all of baseball, except for the Royals, who are destined for the basement for the foreseeable future.

AL Central MVP: Tim Anderson, Chicago. The White Sox are great fun to watch play, and this guy is the straw that stirs the drink.

AL Central Cy Young: Shane Bieber, Cleveland. He’s healthy again, which is not good news for the rest of the division.

Best manager: Terry Francona, Cleveland. Too bad team ownership won’t supply him with the needed talent to win the division. 

Best uniforms: Chicago. I’m especially fond of the old-school pinstripes.

3. How about these quotes to best describe the month of April?

Gold medal: “Spring is nature’s way of saying, ‘Let’s party!’” – comedian Robin Williams.
Silver medal: “With the coming of spring, I am calm again.” – composer Gustav Mahler.
Bronze medal: “April hath put a spirit of youth in everything.” — writer William Shakespeare.

Steve Thought O’ The Day — Steve has been to every AL Central city except Minneapolis. His fondest remembrances at each port o’ call: A baseball card store in Cleveland, being scared to death just driving through Detroit, the appeal of the neighborhoods around Wrigley Field in Chicago and the steak dinners in Kansas City.

Steve “Homer” Eighinger writes daily for Muddy River News. The upset of the week is that he didn’t pick the Guardians to win the AL Central.