DAILY DIRT: Anyone care for a slice of that $12,000 pizza?

Pizza, schmeeza, it’s the return of Chuckfest! … Welcome to today’s three thoughts that make up Vol. 855 of The Daily Dirt.

1. It’s Friday, and for many that means pizza night.

Just be thankful you don’t live in Salerno, Italy, and wish to order a “Louis XIII” pizza, created by master chef Renato Viola. The first thing you would need to do is check your bank account. 

The cost is a cool $12,000, and is regarded as the most expensive pizza in the world.

The pizza in question is an 8-incher and takes 72 hours to prepare. Here’s what is behind the cost and preparation time:

• The dough is made from organic Arabian flour and dusted with Murray River pink salt. (That’s Murray River, not Muddy River.)
• The 72-hour preparation time allows the dough and toppings “time to rest” before being cooked.
• The toppings are as excessive as you’d expect, including three rare types of caviar – Oscietra Royal Prestige, Kaspia Oscietra Royal Classic from the Iranian coast and Kaspia Beluga.
• Add Norwegian lobster and 7 types of cheese.
• The pizza is served with a host of hand-selected beverages that include Champagne Krug Clos du Mesnil 1995, which according to manoosh.com compliments the lobster and caviar. That’s followed by something called Carta Real Sanches Romate Finos brandy and Louis XIII cognac – a revered spirit, commonly known as the rarest, most expensive cognac on the market.

Oh, one other thing. The pie is also prepared and served at your house. You know, that all sounds great. But Domino’s delivers, and at a much-lesser price.

2. For those of you who have sent me notes about enjoying the ongoing “tributes” to Chuck Norris, this weekend is dedicated to you.

Today starts a three-day Daily Dirt run that further honors The Man:

• Chuck Norris once had a staring contest with a statue. The statue blinked.
• When Chuck Norris enters a room he doesn’t turn on the lights, he turns off the dark.
• Chuck Norris wears glasses so his eyes won’t hurt the sun.
• Time waits for no man, unless that man is Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris does not wear a watch. Chuck Norris decides what time it is. 
• Chuck Norris’s computer keyboard does not have a backspace key. Chuck Norris does not make mistakes.
• The boogeyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris’s heart beats to the tune of the Star-Spangled Banner.
• Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
• Chuck Norris cannot tell jokes, because no one can survive the punch line.
• Chuck Norris once laughed lightly. It’s now called Chuckling.
• Chuck Norris can gargle with peanut butter.
• Chuck Norris does not watch the news, he decides what happens next.
• Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
• Some kids pee their names into the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name into concrete.

3. I’m going to be covering a boys-girls basketball doubleheader tonight in Palmyra, Mo., for Muddy River Sports.

I’ll be getting there early. Why, you ask? The concession stand there is one of two in the Muddy River News coverage area that serves a particular brand of monstrous hot dogs, which are a meal by themselves. These dogs, in both girth and length, are amazing. In layman’s terms, these dogs are the Wilt Chamberlain of frankfurters. The other site that serves the exact same dogs can be found at Warsaw (Ill.) High School when West Hancock has a home game there. 

Steve Thought O’ The Day — Mullets are not permitted in Iran, just in case you were planning a trip there for some of that Kaspia Oscietra Royal Classic caviar.

Steve Eighinger writes daily for Muddy River News. Did he really compare the girth and length of a hot dog to Wilt Chamberlain? Holy innuendo, Batman!