Daily Dirt: Are we really that strange to the rest of the world? 

Daily Dirt for Monday, March 28, 2022


You can have the toilet paper, just leave my satellite TV alone … Welcome to today’s three thoughts and Vol. 245 of The Daily Dirt.

1. Did you ever wonder what the rest of the world thinks Americans would find it impossible to live without?

(OK, “impossible” could be a bit strong. “Difficult” might be better terminology.)

I searched through a wide variety of stories, websites, etc., dealing with that very concept, and here are the 10 most popular items those around the globe think we would have a rough time time doing without.

1. Cars: It’s hard to argue with either of the top two picks. Americans do love their vehicles, and …

2. Fast food: … they love to drive them to McDonald’s, Burger King, Sonic, Chic-Fil-A and about a hundred other such places.

3. Air conditioning: The surveys must have been taken in warm weather. Either that, or my wife stuffed some of the ballot boxes. There is no way my beloved Kathy could survive without the AC. I don’t want to say Chateau De Eighinger is a bit frigid at times, but I have to turn on a heater in the mancave in the middle of July.

4. Smartphones: Actually, I thought this might be No. 1.

5. Soda: Soda ranked higher than beer and other alcohol on all the lists I examined.

6. Guns: I have never owned one, but I fully realize how important they are to many of my friends. 

7. WiFi: You don’t realize how valuable this little baby is until you don’t have access to it. 

8. Toilet paper: This one’s kind of surprising. Of course, we would find it challenging without TP … but wouldn’t anyone?

9. Garbage disposals: I have learned this is one of those items best described as “you don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone”.

10. Satellite TV, cable, etc.: Let me be the first to say, I would give up toilet paper before parting with my satellite TV package.

2. Baseball fans, take note. I recently came across this statistic on one of all-time favorite players — pitcher Greg Maddux, known for his pinpoint control.

The Hall of Famer faced 20,421 batters in his career and only 310 saw a 3-0 count — with 177 of those being intentional walks. Baseball analytics guru Bill James has repeatedly called Maddux the most underrated player in MLB history. Maddux won four Cy Young Awards and finished his career with 355 victories, winning 15 or more games 17 consecutive seasons. He was elected to the Hall of Fame in 2014.

3. For all of you still enthralled with the NCAA Tournament, here’s something to chew on.

These are the schools who have received the most No. 1 seeds and never won a title:Gonzaga, 5 (I saw one writer refer to the Zags as “Gone”zaga.) and Oklahoma, 5.

DePaul and Illinois, 4.

Steve Thought O’ The Day — Steve is going to drive his car to a fast-food restaurant today, leaving the air conditioned surroundings of his home. But he will take his smartphone and a glass of Coke with him. Wherever he stops, it must have WiFi. On the way home he’ll stop for some toilet paper. Once back home, he’ll make sure the garbage disposal is working before settling in for another night of the NCAA Tournament, thanks to his satellite TV (I have no idea what to say about the gun thing, other than at some point today I’ll like be shooting off my big mouth).

Steve Eighinger writes daily for Muddy River News. We thank him for no further elaboration on toilet paper.