Daily Dirt: ‘Blessed are the pizza-makers, for they shall be called children of God’

Of all the foods in the world, I think a pizza is probably the most perfect … Welcome to Vol. 260 of The Daily Dirt and today’s three thoughts.

1. A pizza is a beautiful thing. A beautiful, beautiful thing. A pizza can make a person simultaneously happy, thankful and joyous and is as close to a perfect food as there is to be found. With all that in mind, here are my 10 favorite pizza-related quotes. I wish I could take credit for at least some of them, but they are all from anonymous sources:

• 1. “Pizza tastes better than skinny feels”.
• 2. “I cut carbs by dividing it into eight slices”.
• 3. “Let this pizza serve as a reminder that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes”.
• 4. “My survival depends on only two things: Wifi and pizza”.
• 5. “Say no to drugs, say yes to pizza”.
• 6. “Blessed are the pizza-makers, for they shall be called children of God”.
• 7. “Roses are red, pizza sauce is, too. I ordered a large, and none of it is for you”.
• 8. “Less drama, more pizza”.
• 9. “I lust for crust”.
• 10. “People disappoint, pizza never does”.

2. Speaking of food, here is our updated list of medal winners for most disgusting items consumed in a competitive format:

Gold medal: Ken Edwards of Great Britain has held the world record of eating 36 live (and huge) Madagascan cockroaches in 60 seconds — for more than 20 years. The Madagascan cockroaches can be as long as three inches.

Silver medal: Don Lerman of the United States ate 28 ounces of salted butter — the same weight as two footballs — in 2002. He did it in 5 minutes.  Lerman has also devoured 6 pounds of baked beans in 1 minute and 48 seconds, plus eating 11 hamburgers (and buns) in 10 minutes.

Bronze medal: Ukraine native Oleg Zhornitskiy, now a resident of Brooklyn, N.Y., holds the world record for eating 128 ounces of mayonnaise — the weight of about 80 golf balls — in 8 minutes. That’s four 32-ounce bowls of the white, gooey stuff.

3. Found on Facebook this week:

• “Testing mirrors is a job I could see myself doing.”
• “I’d like to start flight company for bald people. I would call it Receding Airlines.”
• “To measure puns properly, use a sighs-0mohraph.”
• “Kids today want the iPhone 11. When I was a kid I just wanted the Crayola 64 pack with a built-in sharpener.”
• “How to eat Peeps: Throw them in the trash.”

Steve Thought O’ The Day — From this moment forward, Steve would like to be known as the “Prince of Pasta”.

Steve Eighinger writes daily for Muddy River News. Every Friday is a Good Friday for Steve.