Daily Dirt: Can’t sell your kids in Florida or practice cannibalism in Idaho

Daily Dirt for Nov. 3, 2021

Complaining about the shortcomings of law enforcement is usually a case of sour grapes, but not always. Check out some of the laws that remain on the books in different parts of our nation. Oh, and welcome to Vol. 116 of the Daily Dirt and our often anticipated — but never duplicated — three thoughts of the day:

1. Here are some dumb laws — including one from Illinois — that I think will have you scratching your head in disbelief:

• Illinois: It’s illegal in the Prairie State to ride your bike with no hands while on a street, or by taking your feet off the pedals. I would assume the same holds true if you’re driving a car.
• Florida: It’s a felony to try and sell your children. What about renting?
• Idaho: This is the only state that officially prohibits acts of cannibalism. Technically, it’s not illegal in the other 49 states — another reason why I’m not big on traveling. You never know what might happen when you’re on the road.
• Maine: It’s illegal in this corner of New England to advertise on tombstones. SO I assume in the rest of England it is?
• Maryland: In the city of Rockville, it is illegal to curse or swear while you are driving. I know, I know … I have the same question — who’s going to know???
• Ohio: All coal mines must supply adequate supplies of toilet paper for its workers. All I want to say here is, please move ahead to the last item in the third thought of the day.
• Virginia: It’s illegal to have a skunk as a pet. Well, that stinks. (Oh come on, you knew that was coming …)

2. If I had my way …

• The “Adventures of James Bond” would be a weekly TV series, probably starring Idris Elba. And if the powers-to-be wanted to turn the figure into a female (Jamie Bond?), I might lean toward Cate Blanchett.
• I would definitely order an expansion of the college football playoffs, but not to 16, at least at first. Let’s go to eight and see how that works. Four is definitely not enough, but 16 might be overkill.
• Supermarkets could not rearrange more than two aisles of shelves during any six-month period.

3. How did I not realize that …

• The Winter Olympics were coming in February. Luge fever, baby.
• That Benjamin Franklin was a prankster, so much so that the nation’s founders did not ask him to contribute to the writing of the constitution because they feared he would hide subliminal messages in the text. So … he was actually the original Ben(ny) Hill?
• That before toilet paper was invented, Americans used to use corn cobs. Necessity is always the mother of invention.

Steve Fact O’ The Day – Steve has never used a corn cob in placed of Charmin.

Steve Eighinger writes for Muddy River News. He’s been known to exit a restroom saying “Hello, clean bottom!”