Daily Dirt: Did that song really say, ‘Hold me closer, Tony Danza?’

Daily Dirt for Sunday, Jan. 14, 2024

We’ve got a music theme going today, so sit back, relax, try to stay warm and embrace the music … Welcome to today’s three thoughts that make up Vol. 839 of The Daily Dirt.

1. Many of us grew up in an era when song lyrics were not nearly as accessible like they are today. 

Coming of age in the 1960s, 19670s, 1980s and even most of the 1990s meant the words to many of our favorite songs were what we could put together by simply listening to them on the radio. Let’s face it, many times we were not even close.

Here are some of those examples. Did you remember any of the following?

Song: “Living on a Prayer,” by Bon Jovi
What we thought the lyrics said: It doesn’t make a difference if we’re naked or not
What the lyrics actually said: It doesn’t make a difference if we make it or not

Song: “Tiny Dancer,” by Elton John.
What we thought the lyrics said: Hold me closer, Tony Danza
What the lyrics actually said: Hold me closer, tiny dancer

Song: “Bad Moon Rising,” by Creedence Clearwater Revival.
What we thought the lyrics said: There’s a bathroom on the right
What the lyrics actually said: There’s a bad moon on the rise

Song: “Summer of ’69,” by Bryan Adams.
What we thought the lyrics said: I got my first real sex dream
What the lyrics actually said: I got my first real six-string

Song: “Like a Virgin,” by Madonna.
What we thought the lyrics said: Like a virgin, touched for the thirty-first time
What the lyrics actually said: Like a virgin, touched for the very first time

Song: “Purple Haze,” by Jimi Hendrix.
What we thought the lyrics said: ‘Scuse me while I kiss this guy
What the lyrics actually said: ‘Scuse me while I kiss the sky

Ahhhh … sweet memories.

2. For many, there’s nothing worse than having to sit through one of those songs that will never seem to end.

Granted, most of us were weaned on songs designed to fill AM radio’s standard 3-minute holes. So when we would occasionally run into one of those 6-, 7- or 8-minute marathons, it seemed as if the song would never conclude. If you didn’t particularly care for the song to begin with, those 6-, 7- or 8-minute efforts seemed like an absolute eternity.

Any of these medal-worthy dandies (in my humble opinion) from yesteryear ring a bell?

• Gold medal: “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida,” by Iron Butterfly, 17 minutes, 6 seconds: The granddaddy of ’em all, when it comes to unnecessary length. Interestingly, the song was actually supposed to be called “In The Garden of Eden,” but the person responsible for transcribing singer Doug Ingle’s words couldn’t understand them. The song was supposed to last a few minutes, but it ended up lasting for more than  17 thanks to what the band later described as “heavy psychedelic excess.” A radio version at the height of its popularity was much shorter (about 4 minutes), but this is the version that has stood the test of time.
• Silver medal: “Free Bird,” by Lynyrd Skynyrd, 10:07: Oh. My. Gosh. Enough with the guitar. Enough.
• Bronze medal: “American Pie,” by Don McLean, 8:42: OK, I loved this song in 1971 and still love it today, but it could have easily been reshaped to about 3 1/2 minutes and little or nothing would have been lost.
• Honorable mention: “You Keep Me Hangin’ On,” by Vanilla Fudge, 7:26: The AM radio single was 2:59, the album cut 7:26. Either way, this cover of the Diana Ross Ross and Supremes song will never be confused with the original.

3. Finishing up our tribute to pop music oddities, here are the five shortest songs to reach No. 1 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart during the rock era:

• 1. “Stay,” by Maurice Williams and the Zodiacs, 1:37 (1960): Elvis Presley’s “Are You Lonesome Tonight” moved this out of No. 1 
• 2. “What Do You Want,” by Adam Faith, 1:38 (1959): This was a much bigger hit in Great Britain.
• 3. “(Let Me Be Your) Teddy Bear,” by Elvis Presley, 1:46 (1957): This was one of four monster hits for the King in ’57.
• 4. “From Me to You,” by the Beatles, 1:56 (1963): This was the follow-up to “Please Please Me.”
• 5. “The Letter,” by the Box Tops, 1:57 (1967): Few realize the Box Tops’ lead singer, Alex Chilton, was only 16 when this rose to the top of the charts.

Steve Thought O’ The Day
Decades from now, will we be talking about Georgia’s Kirby Smart like we are today about Alabama’s Nick Saban? (Actually, decades from now I’ll be happy to just be talking … )

Steve Eighinger writes daily for Muddy River News. Steve forgot this classic: “Every time you go away, you take a piece of meat with you” from Paul Young’s “Every Time You Go Away.”