DAILY DIRT: Did you ever see a Pilgrim eating Jell-O salad?

November 22, 2024 | By Steve Eighinger, Muddy River News Minister of Culture and Doctor of Love

The Pilgrims defeated the Indians 44-0 to win the inaugural Turkey Bowl.

Daily Dirt for Friday, Nov. 22, 2024

Yes, I realize my stance on pumpkin pie will not be popular … Welcome to today’s three thoughts that make up Vol. 1,121 of The Daily Dirt.

1. Admit it, the first things you think of when it comes to Thanksgiving are food, the Detroit Lions and the Dallas Cowboys.

As far as the food is concerned, I absolutely love certain portions of the Thanksgiving meals, namely turkey (white meat, please), ham, mashed potatoes and green bean casseroles (with the little onion ring-type toppings).

But …

There are parts of the “traditional” Thanksgiving meal that make me wince. I’m pretty sure none of the Pilgrims would have preferred any of the following:

Yams: Candied or otherwise. They gotta go.

Sweet potatoes: I’ve always considered them a cousin of the yam, and neither are welcome at our Thanksgiving table.

Pumpkin pie: For my entire life I have tried to like pumpkin pie, but it’s … just … so … slimy. It must be related to the yam/sweet potato family.

Stuffing: Just stick it in a turkey’s butt and be done with it.

Cranberry molded whatever it is: Apparently, it’s a gelatin. I think there’s probably room in the turkey’s butt for this, too.

Jell-O salad: You now, the kind that has carrots and shredded cabbage. Who in their right mind ever thought of this? (On a related subject, shouldn’t cole slaw be called cabbage salad? I’m not sure how or why anyone eats cole slaw. I cringe simply looking at it, especially the remnants floating in that juice at the bottom of a bowl … )

And for the record, I have no problem with a Thanksgiving meal that consists of the best KFC can offer, plus whatever frozen dessert-type treat was available at Dairy Queen the night before. I’m not a difficult man to please come Turkey Day, as long as you keep the yams and the molded cranberry surprise away from my plate.

2. Did you know (Part 194)

That Kim Carnes’ 1981 classic “Bette Davis Eyes” was actually a cover of a Jackie DeShannon song in 1975.

That a Dairy Queen blizzard flavor coming for the holidays is Peppermint Hot Cocoa.

That Dallas Cowboys tickets are so low right now that you can stand on the field with coaches and call plays for $75.

That the Chicago Cubs led MLB last season in the best winning percentage when the temperature was below 60 degrees. Yes, I’m serious.

3. Even though no medal-worthy license plates were discovered or submitted, there a number of “just misses”.

Thanks again for all the submissions, and thanks to all those interesting license-plate owners out there who have helped turn this pastime into an obsession!

The current medal winners, with 5-plus weeks left in the 2024 ranking period:

Gold medal: DR LOV.

Silver medal: GOD 911.

Bronze medal: XLMAMA.

Top spottings from the past week: