Daily Dirt: Do we really want a white Christmas? And is underwear a worthwhile Christmas gift?

Daily Dirt for Sunday, Nov. 26, 2024

Wait, there’s myrrh. Don’t worry, you’ll get it in a minute … Welcome to today’s three thoughts that make up Vol. 793 of The Daily Dirt.

1. I’ll readily admit that most of the Christmas traditions we hold dear are just that, but their are some we can certainly do without.

Here are my 10 suggestions when it comes to holiday traditions that we should end — immediately.

• 1. Over-romanticizing a white Christmas: Aw, look at the pretty snow falling … and the drifts growing larger … and the cars stuck in ditches … and have we mentioned how really, really cold it gets?
• 2. Giving underwear as a gift: No. No. No.
• 3. That awful Paul McCartney song: Yes, we made fun of “Wonderful Christmas Time” a couple of days ago, but that song’s so tacky, it deserves another lambasting.
• 4. Wearing ugly holiday sweaters: When did this actually become a thing. Why does it still exist?
• 5. The Christmas family newsletter: Why do some feel the rest of the world is waiting to hear what his/her family has done (or not done) over the previous 12 months? We. Don’t. Care.
• 6. Office parties: Do these still exist, what with most of the free world now working from home? The office party might be the most awkward social event event of any year, having to spend more time with people you look forward to getting away from each day at 5 p.m.
• 7. Drinking eggnog: Does anyone actually still do this? If so, stop it.
• 8. Fake fireplaces on the TV: It’s NOT a real fire. We all know it.
• 9. Christmas trees that are not green: Who started this? Why are they not behind bars?
• 10. Fruitcake: These things are awful. Simply make a choice: Have fruit, or have a cake.

2. Here are a few of great Christmas season one-liners. Feel free to use at your next family gathering:

• What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It’s Christmas, Eve!
• What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? Claus-trophobia.
• How do the elves clean Santa’s sleigh on the day after Christmas? They use Santa-tizer.
• How do you know when Santa’s around? You can always sense his presents.
• -How do sheep say Merry Christmas to each other? Fleece Navidad.

Thank you. Thank you, very much. I’ll be here for the next month.

3. OK, let’s take a break from the holiday season. I came across an interesting story the other day concerning everyday phrases we use that were actually coined by William Shakespeare. Honestly, I had no idea the following sayings were given us by Will the Quill, the man who is best known for his 39 plays and 154 sonnets.

• “Love is blind”: Shakespeare used this phrase in three plays, in reference to the way love can make us overlook the flaws of those who attract us.
• “Cruel to be kind”: All these years I thought singer Nick Lowe was responsible for the phrase. Turns out The Bard of Avon first used it in “Hamlet.”
• “Knock! Knock! Who’s there?”: It wasn’t the Three Stooges? Nope, it’s from “Macbeth.”

We’ll be sharing more of these down the road. If for no other reason, I’m learning something.

Steve Thought O’ The Day
One more Christmas joke. Sorry, I can’t resist: What did the wise men say after they offered up their gifts of gold and frankincense? Wait, there’s myrrh.

Steve Eighinger writes daily for Muddy River News. If we’re going to talk about ending Christmas traditions, can we stop the Elf on the Shelf?