Daily Dirt: Doctor of Love reminds all husbands to watch their words carefully

Daily Dirt for Tuesday, April 19, 2022
It’s always a slippery slope we walk when it comes to spousal conversations … All that and more in today’s three thoughts that make up Vol. 263 of The Daily Dirt.

1. If you’re a husband, you know very well there are times that no matter what you say, you’re going to be in trouble with the Little Woman. It’s kind of like the unwritten 11th Commandment: Thou better not not say anything.

But then there are times when you, as a husband, get bushwhacked. An innocent comment can set off a firestorm and you either get blown into next week with a cascade of verbal volleys that leave you half-deafened, or even worse, the dreaded three-day silence. You’re not sure what you said or did exactly that triggered this incredible quiet, but there’s no way there will be a conversation in the house for at least the next 72 hours. Over the years, I’ve come to learn there a re a few words and/or phrases to avoid at all costs, that once you’ve said them you can never take them back. Here are some of the classics I have learned to avoid:

1.”I’ll take care of that in a minute.” (Normally, when you’ve been asked to do something at a key point in a ballgame you are watching.)

2. “What’s wrong now?” (Never, never, ever say this. Remember, you are supposed to know the answer to this, even if you have absolutely no clue.)

3. “What’s wrong this time?” (This might even be worse than No. 2 because, again, we are supposed to know the answers when we don’t even have any idea what the question is.)

4. “Just relax!” (This could result in a thrown objects. If there was the slightest chance she was going to relax this would push her over the edge — and be prepared, she’s going to pull you with her.)

5. “You’re overreacting.” (I don’t even need to comment on this, do I?)

6. “Get over it.” (As soon as that sentence is finished, start ducking.)

7. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.” (No, no it wasn’t. The dumbest thing you’ve ever heard what was what you just said. The next thing to do is check the clock, because those 72 hours just started.)

8. “You’re making a big deal out of nothing.” (In all likelihood, you’re abut to find out exactly what a big deal is …)

9. “Don’t be so sensitive.” (At some point, you have to realize women ARE sensitive. Guys are not. We can jaw-jack one another all day, laugh about and still be friends. It doesn’t work that way with the distaff side. It just doesn’t.)

10. “You’re not a guy, you wouldn’t understand.” (Yep, as soon as those words leave your lips, you know you are doomed.)

I hope this helped. I’ll be available all week. Remember, the Doctor of Love is always here to help.

2. Saw this bit of advice the other day:

“You can’t eat snacks while you sleep, so taking a nap is basically a diet.” Good words to live by.

3. This week’s Great Plate medal winners spotted across West-Central Illinois and Northeast Missouri:

Gold medal: SKY DIV. Why not just include the “E”?

Silver medal: 1 MOMED. This one has confused me all week. Is it telling us “1 MOM-ED” or “1 MO-MED”?

Bronze medal: WINNER 2. If it had been WINNER 1 It may have been a  gold-medal winner.

Honorable mention: SEALER,  URSA 55, BACKUP 9,  CRAZE 3, STAR WO 2,  T BOY 55, FLOAT 19, DOT TOY 3, KOKO, ERNIE, MRS DAD 3, SAY CHZ 6.

A new top 25 license plates for the year is coming up later this week.

Steve Thought O’ The Day — Steve recently told his wife he thought she was overreacting. The black eye is almost healed.

Steve Eighinger writes daily for Muddy River News. The Doctor of Love is not a real doctor, he just plays one on the Internet.