DAILY DIRT: Don’t worry about the worst songs of the 1980s, be happy

Daily Dirt for Wednesday, June 26, 2024

One of the worst deaths possible would be locked in a room with that Bobby McFerrin song playing over and over and over … Welcome to today’s three thoughts that make up Vol. 987 of The Daily Dirt.

1. More often than not, we look at music from the 1980s as pretty sweet.

But not today.

While the Big ’80s was the decade that gave us “Alone” by Heart, “Every Breath You Take” by The Police and “What’s Love Got To Do With It” by Tina Turner, this 10-year period also produced its fair share of big-time clunkers.

Oh well, nobody’s perfect.

Here’s the worst of the ’80s, according to the Daily Dirt Board of Directors:

1. “Don’t Worry, Be Happy,” by Bobby McFerrin: This song got to be so annoying that even McFerrin says he can no longer stand to hear it. 

2. “Rock Me Amadeus,” by Falco: The Simpsons once did a parody of this song, which was much better than the the 1986 original.

3. “Shout,” by Tears for Fears: If ever there was group so full of itself it spilled into its music it’s this bunch. (PUBLISHER’S NOTE: On the other hand, “Everybody Wants to Rule the World” from Tears for Fears is one of the BEST songs of the 80’s. JRG)

4. “Puttin’ On The Ritz,” by Taco: Interestingly, the famed Irving Berlin actually wrote this song in 1929 and it was later recorded by Judy Garland and Ella Fitzgerald, but what European performer Taco did to it in the ’80s was a musical crime.

5. “Danger Zone,” by Kenny Loggins: Its only (repeat, only) redeeming quality was that it proved to be the favorite song of Sterling Archer.

2. Did you know (Part 48)

• That ostriches have bigger eyes than brains. (I know at least four people who could qualify as an ostrich.)
• That snails actually have up to 12,000 teeth. (What do they use them for?)
• That Chuck Norris can find a needle in a haystack — at night.
• That lemons float, but limes sink.
• That it takes a drop of water 90 days to travel the 2,340 miles of the Mississippi River. 

3. This week’s Daily Dirt birthday wishes go to:

• Singer-performer Ariana Grande, who turns 31 today. “Problem”, “Break Free”, and “Bang Bang” helped boost her to worldwide stardom.
• Former NFL quarterback John Elway will be 64 on Friday. If you can remember him playing for Stanford, you’re really, really old.
• Entrepreneur Elon Musk will be 53, also on Friday. I wish he’d buy the Cleveland Guardians so my favorite baseball team could sign some big-time free agents this winter. 
• Former heavyweight boxing champ Mike Tyson will blow out 58 candles on Sunday. Iron Mike really needs to ditch that idea of a comeback.
• Former Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps turns 39, also on Sunday. We should be seeing quite a bit of him as a contributor to Olympic TV coverage next month.

Steve Thought O’ The Day — In case you missed it, the Paramount Network’s megahit “Yellowstone” returns at 7 p.m. Sunday, Nov. 10 for the second half of its fifth and final season. I will be forever grateful to good buddy Julie Fisher, who first told me about this show during its infancy. “I think you’ll like it,” she said. That, my friends, was quite the understatement.

Steve Eighinger writes daily for Muddy River News. Good thing he didn’t put “One Night in Bangkok” by Murray Head on his hate list, because there would’ve been a fight. He probably just couldn’t type “Bangkok” without giggling.