Daily Dirt: ‘Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son’

It’s always a good day when we can spend some quality time thinking about Bluto Blutarsky. Welcome to today’s three thoughts and Vol. 231 of The Daily Dirt. 

1. The 10 best comedy films ever made … and go!

1. National Lampoon’s Animal House” (1978): One of the very, very few films that is as funny today as it was when released. John Belushi cemented his legendary status with this movie, specifically the part when he “imitated” a zit. Some of this magnificent movie’s finest lines:

“Seven years of college down the drain. Might as well join the (blanking) Peace Corps.”
“Boon, I anticipate a deeply religious experience.”
“Thank you, sir! May I have another?”
“Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.” 

“Mr. Blutarsky… zero… point… zero.””Toga! Toga!”

“See if you can guess what I am now. (Puts a scoop of mashed potatoes in his mouth and hits his cheeks with his fists and spits it out.) I’m a zit. Get it?”

“Food fight!”
“Do you mind if we dance with your dates?”

2. “When Harry Met Sally” (1989): Yep, we all remember that scene in the restaurant.
3. “Clueless” (1995): Alicia Silverstone was absolutely brilliant as teenager Cher Horowitz, and probably deserved an Oscar nomination for this farce about high school life in SoCal. Sadly, it has proven to be the highlight of her career. 
4. “Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery” (1997): Mike Myers’ contribution to modern society, and a film well worth seeing again and again. Obviously, a spoof on the James Bond genre. This gem has stood the test of time extremely well.
5. “Napoleon Dynamite” (2004): The sleeper movie of that particular decade, maybe the entire century. Made for $400,000, this classic grossed more than $46 million. Eighteen years later, however, I still wonder what happened to star Jon Heder. 
6. “The Blues Brothers” (1980): The comedy. The music. John Belushi. Dan Aykroyd. How good was this film? I actually liked Aykroyd’s performance. That’s the first and only time I have ever uttered those words.

7. “Old School” (2003): Will Ferrell as “Frank the Tank” is cinematic magic. Unfortunately, it will probably serve as the highlight of Ferrell’s movie career, which on a scale of 1 to 10 probably received about a 3 on its best day.

8. “There’s Something About Mary” (1998): The finest gross-out comedy of the 1990s, and arguably the finest-ever performances by Ben Stiller and Cameron Diaz.
9. “Wayne’s World” (1992): So absurd, it was hysterical. And the highlight of Dana Carvey’s would-be career. 

10. “Slap Shot” (1977): Sure, the movie stars Paul Newman (who, by the way, was great), but it’s the thug-like Hanson Brothers who steal just about any scene where they are featured.

Honorable mention “Shaun of the Dead” (2004): A combination of flesh-eating zombies and comedy. What’s better?

2. Speaking of the late Paul Newman, my five favorite films that featured him:

• “Butch Cassidy and the Sundace Kid” (1969): Newman and Robert Redford should have tag-teamed more films like this. They were a great tandem.
• “The Hustler” (1961): In his role as pool shark Eddie Felson, Newman was nominated for both an Academy Award and Golden Globe, but won neither.
• “Cool Hand Luke” (1967): George Kennedy may have actually stole Newman’s thunder in this prison film.
• “Hombre” (1967): An extremely underrated western.
• “The Color of Money” (1986): Newman returns to the pool hall. Tom Cruise delivers a breakthrough performance.

3.Regular readers of this space know I have a keen sense of interest in the Old West, especially the characters who made it legendary.

The following represent a handful of my favorite quotes attributed to some of those figures:

• “If I owned Hell and Texas, I’d rent out Texas and live in Hell.” — Gen. William Tecumseh Sherman, who was not exactly enamored by who and what he found in the Lone Star State.
• “I wasn’t the leader of any gang. I was for Billy all the time.” — Billy the Kid.
• “Ya’ll can go to hell. I am going to Texas,” — Davy Crockett, who left Tennessee for Texas, where he ultimately perished in the famous battle at the Alamo.
• “The Seventh (Cavalry) can handle anything it meets.” — Gen George Armstrong Custer. (Oops.)
• “A pair of six-shooters beats a pair of sizes.” — Belle Starr.
• “I ain’t afraid to love a man. I ain’t afraid to shoot him either.” — Annie Oakley.

Steve Thought O’ The Day — Steve always wanted to star in a film with Alicia Silverstone.