Daily Dirt: ‘He’s smooth as a baby’s bottom … and sometimes just as explosive,’ plus other classic insight

Daily Dirt for Sunday, March 23, 2025

Sometimes just listening to the NCAA play-by-play and analyst guys is much better than the game itself … Welcome to today’s three thoughts that make up Vol. 1,236 of The Daily Dirt.

While working through another day’s worth of the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament on Saturday, one of the CBS talking heads said something incredulous. I just shook my head and wondered to myself, “How could you say something like that on national television?”

Then I thought to myself again (I do a lot of thinking during these games) abd realized that particular statement reminds me of something (fill in the announcer’s name) said back in (fill in the year). Which, of course, led me to putting together a list of the most outrageous things — in a comical sense — that have emerged from some of our favorite college basketball play-by-play men and analysts.

Here are my all-time favorites in medal-worthy fashion:

• Gold medal: “My favorite meal used to be dead animals on the grill.” This gem was provided by the late, great Rick Majerus, the former coach who constantly battled a weight problem and died of heart failure at age 64 back in 2012. Majerus was as hilarious as an analyst as he was successful as a coach. Majerus, who won 517 games in a 25-year career, coached at Saint Louis University from 2007-12.
• Silver medal: “He’s smooth as a baby’s bottom … and sometimes just as explosive.” Clark Kellogg’s keen insight gave us that classic a few years ago. Kellogg, a tremendous player during his college days at Ohio State, has primarily been a CBS in-studio analyst since 1997.
• Bronze medal: “It’s amazing how much better the offense looks when you make shots.” Jay Bilas is a former Duke player, so you know the guy is extremely smart. Bilas has always possessed the knack of “dumbing down” any situation to connect with his entire audience, and he does it in a non-condescending manner. That’s why he’s so effective at his trade. Bilas has been an ESPN analyst since 1995.
• Honorable mention: “That was a lower body root canal.” Kudos to Kellogg for that one, too. He was describing a move by former North Carolina player Tyler Hansbrough. That was back when when the Tar Heels were relevant, unlike their program today.

2. Did you know (Part 311) …

• The average 16-ounce bag of potato chips has gotten 29 percent more expensive since 2021, while overall grocery prices have risen 23 percent, according to government data.
• 42 percent of U.S. consumers are cutting back on snack purchases for price tag reasons, according to a February survey by the research firm NIQ.
• Based on retail data, Little Debbie is the highest-selling snack brand in the nation, followed by Hostess and Entenmann’s.
• Peaches and nectarines are basically the same thing. They’re almost genetically identical except for one thing: a gene that’s either dominant (peaches) or recessive (nectarines). That’s what makes the skin either smooth or fuzzy.
• American Fruit Loops cereal and Fruit Loops cereal from other countries are totally different colors. (It’s due to regulations concerning food additives and coloring.)

3. Surprisingly, none of the following songs ever cracked the Billboard Hot 100 singles chart in the 1980s:

• “Bad To The Bone,” by George Thorogood and the Destroyers.
• “Thing Called Love,” by Bonnie Raitt.
• “Dancing With Myself,” by Billy Idol.
• “I Love L.A.,” by Randy Newman.
• “Pink Cadillac,” by Bruce Springsteen.
• “Crazy Train,” by Ozzy Osbourne.
• “Girls On Film,” by Duran Duran.

Steve Thought O’ The Day
During Saturday’s BYU-Wisconsin NCAA Tournament contest, one of the game officials explained via microphone to the arena and national TV audience about “non-incidental contact to the groin.” There is no such thing.

Steve Eighinger writes daily for Muddy River News. He owns stock in Little Debbie.