Daily Dirt: How about a chocolate-covered pickle in Fart, Va.?

Daily Dirt for Sunday, May 15, 2022

First off, all of the information presented today is true. All of the food items, all of the town names and all of the high school nicknames — while arguably disgusting or questionable — are factual … Welcome to today’s three thoughts that make up Vol. 286 of The Daily Dirt.

1. Blanket statements are rarely accurate, but barring allergies or another kind of medical condition, I feel safe in saying everyone likes chocolate to some degree.

Be it in candy-bar form or as some sort of topping, chocolate is hard to beat.Except in a few cases.Here are five of the strangest strangest concoctions involving chocolate I have ever come across:

• 1. Chocolate-covered onions: I like an occasional onion on my burger or hot dog, even a little of the diced variety in items like potato salad. But I’m pretty sure this would be a test my palate would fail. And don’t give me the old “you won’t know you don’t like it unless you try it” axiom. I’m 99.9 percent certain I’m not going to enjoy biting into a nice, big garden onion that is lathered in a Milky Way.
• 2. Chocolate-covered bacon: Research indicates this little delicacy is quite popular in some areas. Well, my area is not one. I love bacon and I love chocolate, but I can’t ever see myself approving this culinary marriage. Those who swear by this combination say the sweet-and-salty formula works well. And to that I say, why fix what isn’t broken? Bacon is fabulous in its own right, and so, too, is chocolate. Why do we have to try and ruin a good thing? Or two good things?
• 3. Chocolate-covered corn dogs: Whoever came up with this idea should be sentenced to county fair hell.
• 4. Chocolate-covered jalapeno peppers: Remember “That ’70s Show” character Red Forman when he would scream, “Dumbass!” That’s how I feel about whoever came up with this little ditty.
• 5. Chocolate-covered pickles: The argument for this concept: “The crunchy goodness of the pickle and the smooth consistency of the chocolate should be a delicious combination”. Common sense dictates: “Don’t be stupid”.

2. It’s time to look at some more of the wacky-named towns across this great country we inhabit.

I Hope you enjoy the latest additions to our list of destinations with strange names:

Dinkytown, Minn.: There’s actually 36,000 people who live in Dinkytown, which is known for (among other things) an “eclectic mix of second-hand clothing and bike-gear shops”.

Fart, Va.: I don’t think any snarky comment is even necessary. And for the record, there is a town in Denmark named Middlefart.

Goose Pimple Junction, Va.: Apparently, signs bearing the town’s name are regularly stolen by tourists.

My Large Intestine, Texas: Population is 143, which is more like a small intestine, eh?

Beer Bottle Crossing, Idaho: About 1,700 people live there, which is in Adams County (no kidding!), Idaho.

3. Speaking of bizarre names, how about these additions to our always-increasing list of the strangest high school sports nicknames:

Watersmeet Nimrods, who play in Watersmeet, Mich.: Seriously, this sounds like a late 1960s pop band.

Poca Dots, who play ball in Poca, W. Va.: Would the junior varsity be the Dot Tots?

Fluvanna County Flying Flucos, who take to the air in Palmyra, Va.: I can’t even find a definition for what a fluco might be.

Yuma Criminals, who line up in Yuma, Ariz.: No, the athletic jerseys are not striped.

Blooming Prairie Awesome Blossoms in Blooming Prairie, Minn.: And if it’s a rough season, are they simply the Semi-Awesome Blossoms?

Steve Thought O’ The Day — Steve is now trying to decide whether to move to Fart, Va., or Middlefart, Denmark.

Steve Eighinger writes daily for Muddy River News. Not sure I would want to play for the Nimrods.