DAILY DIRT: ‘If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?’


Steven Wright

Daily Dirt for Tuesday, April 2, 2024

Steve Wright might just be the funniest human being alive today … Welcome to today’s three thoughts that make up Vol. 909 of The Daily Dirt.

1. The Daily Dirt has always had a special affection for the work of deadpan comedian Steven Wright.

He’s kind of our unofficial poet laureate.

Every so often I like to share some of Wright’s work. Today is one of those days. Here’s some more of the Wright stuff:

  • “Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.”
  • “If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?”
  • “When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.”
  • “There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.”
  • “Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.”
  • “Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.”
  • “The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?”
  • “What’s another word for Thesaurus?”
  • “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?”
  • “If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?”

2. Good news for NCIS fans.

Fan favorites Cote de Pablo and Michael Weatherly will be reunited in another new NCIS program, which is scheduled to begin production later this year, but is yet to be named, according to variety.com.

The two are set to reprise their roles of Ziva David and Tony DiNozzo in a 10-episode series. De Pablo left the original CBS show after Season 11 (2013-2014), while Weatherly exited following Season 13 (2015-2016). 

Reads the description of the new show: “After Ziva’s supposed death, Tony left the NCIS team to go raise their daughter. Years later, Ziva was discovered alive, leading her to complete one final mission with NCIS before she was reunited with Tony and their daughter in Paris. Since then – and where we find them in the new Paramount+ original series – Tony and Ziva have been raising their daughter, Tali, together. 

“When Tony’s security company is attacked, they must go on the run across Europe, try to figure out who is after them, and maybe even learn to trust each other again so that they can finally have their unconventional happily ever after.”

I’ll go out on a limb right now and predict a long run for this particular spinoff, the sixth such NICS property.

3. We’re in the midst of the first full week of the MLB season.

Here are a few things to think about beyond the wins of losses:

  • Paul Goldschmidt’s four 25-homer-plus seasons in St. Louis are tied for fourth-most in Cardinals history, trailing only Albert Pujols (11), Stan Musial (9) and Jim Edmonds (6).
  • Atlanta ace Spencer Strider had 635 swings and misses last season, surpassing 2019 Gerrit Cole’s 624 for the most in a season in the pitch-tracking era (since 2008). Strider had 124 more swings and misses than Luis Castillo at No. 2 on the list, the largest difference between first and second in MLB in swings and misses in a season in that aforementioned pitch-tracking era.
  • Luis Arraez of Miami won a batting title for the second straight season in 2023, hitting .354 to win the National League crown. With a 2022 AL batting title, Arraez became the second player since 1900 to win a batting title in both leagues, joining D.J. LeMahieu. But LeMahieu didn’t do it in consecutive seasons like Arraez did. 
  • When Mookie Betts, Shohei Ohtani and Freddie Freeman batted consecutively in their first two games, the Dodgers became the first team to have a starting lineup with former MVPs in the top three spots since the 1983 Phillies with Joe Morgan, Pete Rose and Mike Schmidt.
  • Milwaukee Brewers’ hotshot outfield prospect Jackson Chourio. who signed an eight-year, $82 million contract before he ever played a MLB game, is off to a great start. Chourio was 20 years and 17 days old when the season opened last week. That made him the third-youngest Opening Day starting center fielder since at least 1901 — older than only 1964 Tony Conigliaro (19 years, 100 days) and 1989 Ken Griffey Jr. (19 years, 133 days). Ahhh, but it gets better. Chorio was also the fifth-youngest player to start on Opening Day at any position in the divisional era (since 1969), older than only 1974 Robin Yount (18 years, 201 days), 1989 Griffey, 1975 Yount (19 years, 204 days) and 1999 Adrián Beltré (19 years, 363 days).

Steve Thought O’ The Day — Tony and Ziva together again. My day is complete.

Steve Eighinger writes daily for Muddy River News. A fan from Brooklyn, New York called into the MRN world HQ on Monday to say they loved Daily Dirt and Steve’s shirt.

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