Daily Dirt: If I ever get tired of ‘Steve,’ maybe I’ll become ‘Alaska’ Eighinger


Yes, the Cleveland Guardians have a player named Alaska Abney, shown here pitching at Coastal Carolina. | Photo courtesy of the University of Coastal Carolina

Daily Dirt for Jan. 2, 2022

Has anyone incorrectly written “2021” instead of “2022” yet?  Welcome to today’s three thoughts that equal Vol. 176 of the Daily Dirt.

1. It’s the week after Christmas, and many of us will be in the process of returning presents. A sweater may be too big or ugly, a shirt too small. Or maybe, whatever the present, we simply didn’t like it. Here are five holiday gifts via boredpanda.com that people actually received. Obviously, all were (probably) returned.

  • Gold medal: A T-shirt that read “I’m no gynecologist, but I’ll take a look.”
  • Silver medal: A gift card to a lingerie shop — for a grandmother.
  • Bronze medal: I think this explanation says it all: “A few years ago my grandma got her legs amputated. Don’t feel bad, since then her health has improved a ton. (But) for Christmas, my aunt bought my grandma a pair of socks.”
Yes, this T-shirt is available on Amazon.

2. Here are more Rock and Roll Hall of Fame-worthy artists who have been overlooked:

  • Pat Benatar: She has two multi-platinum albums, five platinum albums, three gold albums and 15 top-40 singles — including four No. 1 hits.
  • Cher: This is a downright criminal. The woman’s career now spans parts of seven different decades and remains relevant at age 75. She’s been eligible for the hall since — are you ready? — 1991. There may be hope for Cher since Tina Turner, 82, finally received a call from the hall.
  • Diana Ross: “The definition of a pop diva,” according to rock-n-roll author Troy L. Smith. I should note that Ross was inducted in 1988 as a member of the Supremes, bot never as an individual. She has seven No. 1 hits as a solo act.
  • Warren Zevon: He’s now been snubbed 27 years. If for no other reason, the late, great Mr. Zevon should be inducted for providing us with “Werewolves of London”.
If Steve could turn back time, he would put Cher in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. | Wikimedia Commons

3. The five best players names on MLB organizational rosters:

  • Alaska Abney, Cleveland Guardians: This is the best baseball name since Nuke LaLoosh.
  • Landon Marceux, Los Angeles Angels: Obviously, he should have been a hockey player.
  • River Town, Kansas City Royals: This would be the perfect name for a guy from Hannibal.
  • Sean Hard, New York Yankees: The next WWE superstar?
  • Blake Beers, Oakland A’s: The marketing department should have a great time with this guy if he ever becomes a star.

Steve Fact O’ The Day
Steve thinks one of the biggest bargains at the supermarket are those $5 (or is it $6 now?) boxes of doughnuts and other pastries that the Hy-Vee bakery puts out around 5 p.m. each day.

If Steve were to change his name and he could only select one of the 50 states, we believe he would select “Montana” and then become friends with John Dutton.

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