DAILY DIRT: I’m pretty sure I could not only be classified as Teflon, but Speed Bump and Lava Lamp, too

March 14, 2025 | By Steve Eighinger, Muddy River News Minister of Culture and Doctor of Love

Daily Dirt for Friday, March 14, 2025

Once my wife reads this, I guarantee you she’ll be calling me “Blister” within five minutes … Welcome to today’s three thoughts that make up Vol. 1,228 of The Daily Dirt.

1. We all know them. And at one time or another, we have all worked with them.

How about any — or all — of the following nicknames to describe some of your current or past co-workers, compliments of European entrepreneur Ben Askins:

Blister: Only turns up after all the hard work is done.
Pothole: The person everyone else tries to avoid.
Alexa: Only works when asked.
Broken Arrow: Doesn’t work and can’t be fired.
Wheelbarrow: Only works when pushed.
Mastercard: Always takes credit for everyone else’s work.
Teflon: No matter how many times you tell them, it never sticks. (I’m raising my hand here, because no matter how many times someone tells me about “computer stuff” it goes in one ear and out the other.)
Speed Bump: Always slows others down.
Lava Lamp: Looks good, but not very bright.

2. Did you know (Part 302)

That Sprite Chill Strawberry Kiwi will be hitting store shelves later this month.
That Post will soon be releasing a limited edition Strawberries and Cream Pebbles cereal.
That pineapples take about two years to grow.
That an average ear of corn has 800 kernels over 16 rows. (Just think, someone somewhere actually had to verify these numbers.)
That ketchup was once sold as a medicine in the 1830s.

3. Have you ever looked around and felt some things needed renamed?

How about seagulls? Wouldn’t “beach chickens” be more accurate and much more entertaining to say?
How about a rhinoceros? Wouldn’t “battle unicorn” be more apropos?
How about a synonym for “thirsty?” Such as … “water hungry,” maybe?
And then there’s milk. How about “cereal juice?”
How about bread? Umm … “raw toast?”
Do you like ribs? Or should I say “meatcicles?”
Lipstick? Or … “mouth crayon?”
Ice cubes? How about “water rocks?”
A pair of gloves … or “finger pants?”
And finally, Kleenex. Or … “booger paper”.

Steve Thought O’ The Day

I think Friday night’s a good night for some meatcicles. I hope The Little Woman agrees.