DAILY DIRT: In my next life, I may want to come back as a snail

Daily Dirt for Monday, Dec. 30, 2024

Would a cross between a goldfish, snail and ostrich produce the average husband? … Welcome to today’s three thoughts that make up Vol. 1,159 of The Daily Dirt.

1. Monday is always an excellent day to learn things. You can thank me later.

• Just sit back, drink that morning coffee and inhale the following :
• A goldfish has a memory span of about three seconds. Kind of like aging husbands.
• A snail can sleep for three years. Again, kind of like an aging husband.
• An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain. (You were expecting another aging husband crack?)
• Cats have more than 100 vocal sounds. Dogs have only about 10. But dogs, on the whole, are much louder. (Kind of like an aging husband.) 
• Dreamt is the only English word that end in the letters “mt”. (That does not include the word’s derivatives, including undreamt, daydreamt, and redreamt.) 
• A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes. What if it has cataracts?
• Butterflies taste with their feet. (No smart-aleck comment needed here. That fact can stand on its own.)
• Leonardo da Vinci invented the scissors. Obviously, the guy could do more than paint.
• Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable. (And only six states have just two syllables.)
• No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver or purple. (What about maple syrple in the Roger Miller song, “Dang Me”?)
• The average person’s left hand does 56 percent of the typing.
• The words “racecar,” “kayak,” “madam” and “level” are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left. These are examples of “palindromes”. Palindromes can also be phrases and complete sentences, such as “no lemon,” “no melon” or “Mr. Owl ate my metal worm”.
• There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar. 
• There are only four words in the English language that end in “dous”: tremendous, horrendous, stupendous and hazardous.
• Originally, there was no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewable Vitamins. Public outcry eventually changed all of that.
• “Typewriter” is the longest word than can be made using letters only on one row of the keyboard.

2. Did you know that (Part 231)

• Allodoxaphobia is the fear of other people’s opinions. If you happen to have this, I advise you now to stay away from me.
• The real name of a “hash tag” (#) is octothorpe.
• There is a part of Africa in all four hemispheres.
• That Lay’s Cheesy Garlic Bread chips are likely being stocked on supermarket shelves as you read this.
• That Kellogg’s is releasing Blueberry Bran Crunch cereal, just in time for the New Year.
• That Sonic currently has two limited-edition Dr. Pepper flavors: Sparkling Sugar Cookie and Dirty Strawberry, dedicated to Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie.
• That those new Taco Bell chicken nuggets are tortilla-chip breaded.
• That some Subway sites are testing foot-long nachos with meat, sauces, veggies and cheeses. This item is supposed to be featured nationwide by the spring.
• Coffee Mate keeps adding to its collection, soon to be providing Thai Iced Coffee and Pina Colada to its White Lotus collection. 

3. Think back to the holiday season of 1975. The following would have been the top 10 songs on the radio:

• 1. “Love Will Keep Us Together,”: by the Captain and Tennille.
• 2. “Rhinestone Cowboy,” by Glen Campbell.
• 3. “Philadelphia Freedom,” by Elton John.
• 4. “Before The Next teardrop Falls,” by Freddy Fender.
• 5. “My Eyes Adored You,” by Franki Valli.
• 6. “Some Kind of Wonderful,” by Grand Funk Railroad. (I’m pretty sure this was one of J. Robert Gough’s childhood jams.)
• 7. “Shining Star,” by Earth, Wind and Fire.
• 8. “Fame,” by David Bowie.
• 9. “Laughter In The Rain,” by Neil Sedaka.
• 10. “One of These Nights,” by the Eagles.

Steve Thought O’ The Day — I see where cows have distinct regional accents in their mooing, depending on where they live. So … does this mean a cow in, say … Alabama, might go, “Mooo, ya’ll?” Asking for a friend.

Steve Eighinger writes daily for Muddy River News. His coming back in another life as a snail really isn’t much of a stretch.