DAILY DIRT: Kramer was ‘just too bizarre to ignore’

Daily Dirt for Saturday, April 26, 2025

Ahh, those pretzels always made him thirsty … Welcome to today’s three thoughts that make up Vol. 1,266 of The Daily Dirt.

1. There’s only one Kramer, and that’s probably a good thing.

Like the other main characters we’ve discussed this week from the “Seinfeld” sitcom, the cultural impact of Jerry’s eccentric neighbor played by Michael Richards has far outlasted the mega-hit program’s nine-year run, but our collective fascination with Kramer has remained. Unlike Jerry, George and Elaine, there’s really nothing relatable about Kramer.

“But he’s just too bizarre to ignore,” wrote Alex Galbraith of uproxx.com way back in 2015.

That claim remains true. Kramer is simply too bizarre — way, way too bizarre — to ever overlook.

Here are my five favorite offerings from man we all know simply by his surname:

1. “I’m out there, Jerry, and I’m loving every minute of it!”

After a doctor tells Cosmo he has a low sperm count, Kramer considers changing the type of underwear he wears. But he doesn’t like the looseness of boxers and the jockeys are too tight on his “boys,” so he’s left with just one option. As Jerry explains to Elaine, “The only thing between him and us is a thin layer of gabardine.”

2. “I’m Cosmo Kramer, the Assman!”

When Kramer is given the “ASSMAN” vanity license plates, he doesn’t want them. He can see that there’s been some kind of mix-up and he doesn’t want to be associated with such a crude nickname, but later he comes to embrace the new moniker. He realizes it helps him pick up women and he can get a good parking space at the hospital by pretending to be a proctologist. 

3. “These pretzels are making me thirsty!”

One of Kramer’s shots at stardom came when it briefly looked like he would have a line in a Woody Allen film. Of course, things didn’t work out, but at least we got this line to say every single time we eat a pretzel.

4. “If I had a kid, I would name him Isosceles. Isosceles Kramer.”

When you think about this classic line and remember that it came from a man named “Cosmo,” it starts to make sense. Kind of, anyway.

5.  “Well, you’re just as pretty as any of them. You just need a nose job.”

This was Kramer’s famous comeback to Audrey on season 3 when she comments about how many beautiful women there are in New York City. 

2. Did you know (Part 345)

• That a “barcode horse” is the newest name for a zebra.
• That a brick can also be described as a “house lego”.
• That milk is technically “cow sauce”.
• That “toast blood” is a new name for any red-colored jam or jelly.
• That “mountain fountain” could describe a volcano.

3. We’re about a month into the MLB season. Here’s how The Daily Dirt Board of Control ranks the top 10 teams:

1. New York Mets: And Juan Soto (.235) hasn’t even started to heat up.

2. San Francisco: Jung Hoo Lee is rapidly becoming my favorite N.L. player.

3. Loa Angeles Dodgers: I think it’s time to move Shohei Ohtani out of that lead-off position into a spot more conducive to RBIs. The bottom part of that Dodgers lineup has been atrocious, offering Ohtani few opportunities to drive in runs.

4. Detroit: A.J. Hinch might just be the top manager in MLB.

5. Chicago Cubs: They weren’t supposed to be THIS good.

6. San Diego: Just wait until Yu Darvish returns in late May or early June.

7. Cleveland: The Guards a perfect example of how important a lockdown bullpen can be.

8. Boston: If the Red Sox could only field the ball they might be a top-five team. Boston leads MLB in errors.

9. New York Yankees: I’m leaning toward Max Fried as the early Cy Young Award favorite. He’s 4-0 with a 1.42 ERA, and those numbers are not misleading.

10. Arizona: Did you notice that Eugenio Suarez socked four home runs Saturday? Four! That’s only been done 19 times in MLB history.

Steve Thought O’ The Day — Would a group of squids be a squad?

Steve Eighinger writes daily for Muddy River News. No love for Chicken Jerry?