DAILY DIRT: Ladies and gentlemen, would you please welcome Christina Claire Simonella!

If I had become a country singer, I think I would have gone by Stevie Teardrop … Welcome to today’s three thoughts that make up Vol. 397 of The Daily Dirt.

1. The other day I stumbled across the fact that Shania Twain’s real name is Eileen Regina Edwards.

I never knew that. I’m not sure why, considering I have been a longtime fan of hers. I just assumed her name was actually Shania Twain, possibly some long-lost relative of Mark Twain.

You know what happened next, right? Yep, I started checking the birth names of other country stars I liked. Here are some of the better findings:

Stage name: Wynonna Judd.

Actual name: Christina Claire Simonella. (Good choice, Wynonna. “Christina Claire Simonella” just doesn’t sound like someone who would have recorded “Mama He’s Crazy.” By the way, Wynonna’s husband is named Cactus Moser.)

Stage name: Garth Brooks.

Actual name: Troyal Garth Brooks. (Good choice, Garth, to drop that real first name. What were his parents possibly thinking?)

Stage name: Faith Hill.

Actual name: Audrey Faith Perry. (Actually, her real name would look great on marquees, too.)

Stage name: John Denver.

Actual name: Henry John Deutschendorfer Jr. (The late, great Denver actually looked like a Henry John Deutschendorfer Jr. the more I thought about it.)

Stage name: Randy Travis

Actual name: Randy Bruce Traywick. (Not sure about why this name change was necessary. Randy Traywick has a solid country sound to it, too.) 

Stage name: Conway Twitty.

Actual name: Harold Lloyd Jenkins. (I always wished the late Twitty would have married Kitty Wells. After the ceremony, Ms. Wells would have become Kitty Twitty.)

Stage name: Kix Brooks.

Actual name: Leon Eric Brooks III. (Leon or Kix? Yeah, he chose the right name.)

Stage name: Clay Walker.

Actual name: Ernest Clayton Walker Jr. (Yep, another good choice. “Ernie” Walker would have never been the star Clay Walker became.)

Stage name: Patsy Cline

Actual name: Virginia Patterson Hensley. (I don’t think it would have mattered what name she was known as, the late Patsy Cline had one of those voices that transcended all genres of music.)

2. This week’s birthdays to remember include:

• Clayton Moore was born on Sept. 14 in 1914. You might know him better as “The Lone Ranger.” Moore died in 1999 at age 85.
• MLB Hall of Famer Gaylord Perry will turn 83 on Thursday, Sept. 15. Perry pitched for nine different teams en route to building a 314-265 career record.
• Actor David McCallum will be 88 on Monday, Sept. 19. He first rose to fame as Ilya Kuryakin on “The Man From U.N.C.L.E.” He currently has a recurring role on “NCIS.”
• Comedian Jimmy Fallon turns 48 on Monday, Sept. 19.
• Country singer Faith Hill will be 55 on Wednesday, Sept, 21.

3. Here’s our college football rankings and three games of interest for this week:

1. Alabama (2-0): Alabama, which barely escaped with a 20-19 win over Texas, should get well this week against UL-Monroe. Roll, Tide.

2. Georgia (2-0): If the Bulldogs dominate South Carolina, I can see them taking over No. 1 here next week.

3. Ohio State (2-0): Buckeyes are still waiting for their injured receivers to heal. Fortunately, Toledo is next on the schedule. The Rockets are always a feisty bunch, but e all know they have no chance in this game.

4. Kentucky (2-0): The Wildcats will go to 3-0 with a dismantling of poor Youngstown State.

5. USC (2-0): We’ll find out if the Trojans are legit or not in their next two games — Saturday against Fresno State and the ensuing week vs. Oregon State.

6. Arkansas (2-0): Mark the Hogs down for 3-0. Missouri State is next.

7. Michigan (2-0): Wolverines face UConn this week, one of the most improved programs in the nation under new coach Jim Mora. That doesn’t mean they will come within 40 vs. the Wolverines.

8. Oklahoma (2-0): Sooners might hang 80 on poor Nebraska.

9. Oklahoma State (2-0): Cowboys play Arkansas-Pine Bluff this week. I’m serious.

10. Clemson (2-0): Tigers may simply have to pull the plug on D.J. Uiagalelei at quarterback. 

This week’s top games:

Miami (2-0) 24, Texas A&M (1-1) 17: … and the Aggies season is officially over.

BYU (2-0) 33, Oregon (1-1) 29: … and the Ducks’ season is officially over.

Auburn (2-0) 24, Penn State (2-0) 23: This might be the best game of the day come Saturday.

Steve Thought O’ The Day — The more I think about that Stevie Teardrop idea, the more I like it …