Daily Dirt: Ladies, you what to do if you ever hear something like, ‘Well, here I am. What are your other two wishes?’

The Doctor of Love is in the office today. If you have no appointment, here are some words of advice anyway … Welcome to today’s three thoughts and Vol. 242 of The Daily Dirt.

1. When it comes to men and women, there is little difference if your roots are in the 1960s or the 2020s, at least when it comes to pickup lines guys like to use.

Honesty is traditionally better than the annoying air of overconfidence. Being genuine usually gets a guy much farther than being a smart aleck. Guys, the following lines should be avoided at all costs. And girls, if you’re approached by a would-be suitor whose calling card sounds like any of these … run. Fast.

In no particular order, the worst potential pickup lines ever used:

“It’s handy that I’ve got my library card, cause I’m checking you out.”

“Well, here I’m. What are your other two wishes?”

“Do you believe in the famous saying ‘love at first sight,’ or should I walk by again?”

“Are you Wifi? ‘Cause I feel a connection.”

“Is your body from McDonald’s? Cause I’m loving it.”

“Are you tired? Cause you have been running through my mind all night.”

“Do you have a name? Or should I call you mine?

“Hey, you’re pretty and I’m cute. Together we’d be Pretty Cute.

“Can you take off your clothes so I can see where you hide your angel wings?”

“Are you from Tennessee? Because you’re the only 10 I see!”

Remember girls, when and if you ever hear lines like these it’s time to exit — immediately. Mr. Right would never be this wrong.

2. The Great Plate medal winners for this week … will any crack the yearly top 10 the first of next week?

Gold medal: SEW WHAT. I bet this driver is working on a comforter as you read this.

Silver medal: I O BANK 2. Don’t we all?

Bronze medal: CARP KLR. A fisherman? We monitor license plates across West-Central Illinois and Northeast Missouri.

Yeah, there are days when I have a lot of time on my hands.

3. The popular sports website, 247sports.com, has released what it feels are the top 25 helmets in college football. Here’s a look at 247’s top 10, followed by own choices:

247SPORTS.COM

1. Ohio State: “The best college football helmet of all time? The gray, scarlet, black, white and occasionally stickered-up helmet of Ohio State,” writes Matt Howe. “The helmet, plus the stickers, make it the most recognizable helmet in all of college football.”

(PUBLISHER’S NOTE: Wait? What? Steve found a poll that agreed with his preconceived notion? Shocking! It’s a plain grey helmet. I know you hate them, but Michigan’s helmet is far better looking and actually has a design. JRG)

2. Penn State

3. Notre Dame

4. Miami, Fla.

5. Alabama

6. Michigan

7. Texas

8. LSU

9. Florida State

10. USC

Stevie Dirt…or Mr. Buckeye

1. Ohio State: The helmet, like the entire uniform package, is about as close to perfection as you can get. (PUBLISHER’S NOTE: Again, it’s a plain grey helmet. Steve doesn’t even put Michigan in his poll. Sad. JRG)

2. Texas

3. UCLA

4. Oregon

5. Tennessee

6. Notre Dame

7. Michigan State

8. Wisconsin

9. Arkansas

10. Wyoming

Steve Thought O’ The Day — Steve feels the second-best uniform look in college football belongs to Texas. Those burnt orange jerseys are absolutely gorgeous. Only Ohio State’s scarlet and grey look is better — and not by much.

Brutus Buckeye writes daily for Muddy River News. His underwear is scarlet and grey.