DAILY DIRT: ‘Life is too short to miss out on the beautiful things like a double cheeseburger’

Have you recovered from that first full weekend of football? If so, have a cheeseburger … Welcome to today’s three thoughts that make up Vol. 396 of The Daily Dirt.

1. Believe it not, later this week — Sunday, to be exact — is National Cheeseburger Day.

And how did cheeseburgers earn their own “national day?” Do we really care? Absolutely not.

Cheeseburgers are great, whether you prefer them with cheese only or like to drown them in all sorts of condiments. After all, a hamburger without cheese, is like a hug with a squeeze. Or so I am told.

Cheeseburgers are one particular sandwich that can create a special culinary kind of loyalty. People seem to truly love their cheeseburgers. A simple plain hamburger is just that, but a cheeseburger can represent a regal form of shredded cow flesh. 

See if your feelings about a cheeseburger are similar to the following:

• “Life is too short to miss out on the beautiful things like a double cheeseburger.” — actor Channing Tatum.
• “Sometimes I thank God … for cheeseburgers.” — singer Garth Brooks.
• “I’m all about fashion, cheeseburgers and bright red lipstick.” — actress Scarlett Johansson.
• “I can eat a cheeseburger with French fries almost every day.” — actress Cameron Diaz.

For the record, 2 percent of Americans prefer their cheeseburgers plain, according to yougov.com. Those who prefer toppings, however, list the following as their favorites:

• 65 percent ketchup.
• 64 percent lettuce.
• 58 percent tomatoes.
• 57 percent onions.
• 54 percent pickles.
• 52 percent mustard.
• 45 percent bacon.
• 23 percent mushrooms.

(PUBLISHER’S NOTE: Who in the Hell prefers lettuce over bacon? Communists, that’s who. JRG)

2. We’ve got another major shake-up in the Great Plate rankings of 2022, that ongoing pursuit to uncover the cleverest licenses plates in West-Central Illinois and Northeast Missouri.

We not only have a new No. 1, but a new No. 2, too. 

Gold Medal: 1 KWIKI: I think we’ll just leave this one alone …

Silver medal:GEEZER 2: Hah! A fellow oldtimer.

Bronze medal:USA FAN 1: Its reign as No. 1 lasted just one week.

Honorable mention for the week: CHECK 4. Check for what?

3. The worst division among Power 5 college football conferences? I’d say the Big Ten West is the early leader. Consider:

• The disaster that is Nebraska lost to Georgia Southern (I’m not kidding), falling to 1-2 and finally costing Scott Frost his job as Cornhuskers coach. Frost had been a total disaster since arriving at the school, including a 5-22 record in games decided by one score. Could it possibly get any worse in Lincoln? Well, as a matter of fact, yes. Nebraska hosts Oklahoma on Saturday.
• Iowa lost to Iowa State 10-7. In two games, Iowa has scored 14 points. The Hawkeyes won their opener against South Dakota 7-3, kicking a field goal and recording two safeties. One writer referred to Iowa after the loss to Iowa State as “Iwa” (no “o,” get it …).
• Northwestern lost to woeful Duke 31-23 (remember, we’re not talking basketball here, folks). That came one game after barely getting past lowly Nebraska 31-28.
• Oh, and (previously) nationally ranked Wisconsin, a 17.5-point favorite against Washington State, managed to lose 17-14. 

Steve Thought O’ The Day — I’m a little surprised about the low percentages of bacon and mushrooms on that list of preferred toppings for cheeseburgers.

Steve Eighinger writes daily for Muddy River News. He doesn’t know much, but he knows bacon is better than lettuce.