DAILY DIRT: Of all the soft drinks that have gone to soda heaven, I miss Tab the most

October 11, 2024 | By Steve Eighinger, Muddy River News Minister of Culture and Doctor of Love

Tab: 1963-2020, which was 56.5 years too long.

Not so much Crystal Pepsi, New Coke and some others … Welcome to today’s three thoughts that make up Vol. 1,082 of The Daily Dirt

1. A good soft drink is akin to a good friend.

Think about it … when times are tough, what’s one of the first things you often do? Go to the fridge and get a can or bottle of your favorite cola (or non-cola), right? (PUBLISHER’S NOTE: I’m thinking beer or whiskey, but you do you, boo. JRG)

That’s why it hurts so much when the soda czars opt to discontinue some of their offerings.

These are the soft drinks I miss most from years past:

1. Tab: This was widely popular when I was a wee lad, and at one time it was even my No. 1 soda option. I didn’t like it because of the “one calorie per 6 fluid ounces” (as if I ever cared about something like that), I liked it because of the taste. Coca-Cola finally pulled the plug on Tab in 2020 after a 57-year relationship, and it’s been a darker world ever since. The rise of Diet Coke was what caused its parent company to pull the plug on Tab. For me, though, the taste of Diet Coke is simply dreadful.

2. Coca-Cola Life: It was kind of a second cousin to Tab, and actually lasted seven years (2013-20) before those who make such decisions decided it was not popular enough.

3. Surge: It first surfaced in the 1990s and made a comeback in the early 2000s. Surge was Coca-Cola’s contribution to the citrus-flavored genre, and while not quite on the level of Mountain Dew it was certainly worth an occasional purchase.

4. Bubble Up: It was a 7-Up wanna be, but it had more of a sweet taste. I’m not sure if that meant more lemon or lime, but back in the ’60s it occasionally hit the spot on a hot summer afternoon.

5. Fruitopia: Though it had developed a devoted fan base, Coca-Cola eventually ended production in 2003 after it could not surpass Snapple and/or Minute Maid in public popularity. Fruitopia was always welcome on those days when I needed a break from my favorite cola.

In the “I wonder what they were thinking” department, here are few soft drinks whose short shelf live was totally deserved. They were … ummm … not good:

Coca-Cola Blak: It was a coffee-flavored experiment that lasted about a year, ending in 2008.

Crystal Pepsi: Pepsi has released this two or three times since the early 1990s, thinking, I suppose, it would eventually catch on. Well, it never did and never will.

New Coke: We’ve discussed this before in this space. New Coke tasted just like Pepsi. Arguably the worst idea in cola wars history. For those interested in statistics, it was 79 days after the 1985 release of New Coke that the Coca-Cola hierarchy returned the original Coke to store shelves labeled as “Coca-Cola Classic”.

Life Savers Soda: A bit too sweet on the taste buds. Ugh.

Sierra Mist: I have never downed dishwater, but if I ever would I’m sure it would taste like Sierra Mist did. Sierra Mist was finally laid to rest in 2023 after a number of rebrandings. Starry is the latest attempt by PepsiCo to gain lemon-lime soda market share.

2. Did you know (Part 148)

That the country of Monaco is so small it could fit inside New York City’s Central Park.
That the population of Tokyo (37 million) is more than the population of the entire continent of Australia (26 million)..
That Taco Bell is bringing back the caramel apple empanada. It should be in Quincy by the end of the year.
That the states with the best food, according to thrillist.com, are: 1. Texas, 2. California, 3. New York, 4. Louisiana, 5. Tennessee, 6, Oregon, 7. ILLINOIS, 8. Washington, 8. Pennsylvania and 10. North Carolina.
That Coca-Cola will be introducing two new sodas in 2025: Coca-Cola Orange Cream and Sprite+Tea.

3. Remember the 1991 film “Necessary Roughness” about the fictitious Texas State Fighting Armadillos college football team?

There was a part of the film where the Armadillos were scrimmaging against a team from the Texas State Penitentiary. Scott Bakula played a 30-something quarterback in the flick.

What you may not remember, however, involves who some of the “inmates” on the Texas State Penitentiary team were. Would you believe:

Chicago Bears Hall of Fame linebacker Dick Butkus
Former heavyweight boxing champion Evander Holyfield
Hall of Fame wide receiver Jerry Rice
Oakland Raiders legendary defensive end Ben Davidson
Heisman Trophy running back and Dallas Cowboys star Tony Dorsett
Dallas Cowboys defensive tackle Randy White
Dallas Cowboys defensive end Ed “Too Tall” Jones
Heisman Trophy running back (and failed political candidate) Herschel Walker
49ers running back Roger Craig
Bills quarterback Jim Kelly

Steve Thought O’ The Day — This really sounds interesting … a new McDonald’s menu is scheduled to drop nationwide Wednesday, Oct. 16, and is supposed to include a toffee apple pie, toasted marshmallow hot chocolate, McCrispy Deluxe, toasted marshmallow latte, Double Big Mac, smoky caramelized onion rings, caramel McFlurry, hash brown bites, McRib and bacon double Big Mac.