DAILY DIRT: Oh, the weather outside is frightful, but your latest Daily Dirt is quite delightful

February 19, 2025 | By Steve Eighinger, MRN Minister of Culture and Doctor of Love

Daily Dirt for Wednesday, Feb. 19, 2025

Enough of the snow and freezing temperatures! … Welcome to today’s three thoughts that make up Vol. 1,208 of The Daily Dirt.

1. OK, when exactly is spring supposed to start?

I’ve never really been a big believer in the benefits of winter. Outside of basketball season, what good does it really provide?

And apparently, I’m not alone. Here are some thoughts about the cold-weather months from scholars and philosophers far smarter than yours truly:

“Winter is nature’s way of saying, ‘Up yours.'” — author Robert Byrne.
“Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.” — humorist Dave Barry.– “A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water.” — writer/actor Carl Reiner.
“The problem with winter sports is that — follow me closely here — they generally take place in winter.” — more from Dave Barry.
“I was thinking, if it is really religion with those nudist colonies, they surely must turn atheists in the wintertime.” — comedian Will Rogers.
“There are only two seasons — winter and baseball.” — former MLB executive Bill Veeck.

2. Did you know (Part 281)

That on Jan. 28, 1887, a snowflake 15 inches wide and 8 inches thick fell in Fort Keogh, Mont. That was/is the largest snowflake ever observed.
That chionophobia is the persistent fear of snow, especially becoming trapped by snow.
That Google searches for terms like “porn,” “boobs,” “xxx,” and “massage parlor” have a 6-month seasonal pattern. Specifically, they peak in early summer and around the winter holidays. Google searches for “eHarmony” and “Match.com” also peaked around these times.
That the average snowflake falls at about 3 mph.
That all snowflakes have six sides.

3. Keeping with today’s winter theme, here are some really, really, really bad cold-weather jokes:

What’s the best way to scare a snowman? Talk about global warming.

What is a weatherman’s favorite food this time of the year? Brrr-itos.

Why was the snowman rummaging through the bag of carrots? He was picking his nose.

Who is Frosty’s favorite aunt? Aunt Arctica.

How does a North Pole carpenter fix something broken? Igloos it together.

Steve Thought O’ The Day — I can’t stop now … just one more! What gift should you never give a snowman? An electric blanket. (Thank you! Thank you! I’ll be here all week!)

Steve Eighinger writes daily for Muddy River News. He told me a much dirtier joke earlier this week that I, sadly, cannot share here. It was pretty funny too!