DAILY DIRT: Old folks have their own special language

And I’m a proud card-carrying member of that group … Welcome to today’s three thoughts that make up Vol. 731` of The Daily Dirt.

1. Someone far smarter than yours truly once said, “Youth is a gift of nature,  but age is a work of art.”

Well, I’m getting to the point in life when I must be close to being considered a Rembrandt. For others reading this who might also be approaching their golden years — or are already there — have you noticed, at times, we have our own language?

If you have recently spoken one of the following phrases, there’s a good chance you received one of those “what’s he talking about?” looks from a grandson, granddaughter and/or anyone else under the age of probably 40. Which ones are you guilty of using — a lot?

• “Let’s skedaddle!”
• “Let’s get the heck outta Dodge.”
• “Let’s blow this popsicle stand.”
• “Let’s get this show on the road.”
• “Age is just a number.”
• “Back in my day … “
• “Far out, dude.”
• “I taped the game last night.” (“Taped” … heh, heh, heh … I still say that, all the time.)
• “I’m just going to rest my eyes for a minute.”
• “Ahhh … the Brady Bunch! Now that was good television1”
• “I ain’t dead yet!”
• “Catch you on the flip side.”
• “Whoa, take a chill pill.”
• “He’s kind of a space cadet.”

By my own count, I’m guilty of at least nine of those. (And for the record, “Youth is a gift of nature, but age is a work of art” was said by Polish writer Stanislaw Jerzy Lec, who also said, “Is it progress if a cannibal uses a fork?)

2. Here are some more actual signs found along the highways and byways of this great nation, which I have to admit, may be the best five ever presented in this space:

• “The hardest thing about learning how to ride a horse is the ground.”
• “Protons have mass. I didn’t even know they were Catholic.”
• “If someone from Holland married a Filipino, there kids would be Hollapinos.”
• “What has two butts and kills people? An assassin.”
• “Don’t be a salty unless you’re a margarita. R.I.P., Jimmy Buffet.”

3. The latest medal-worthy edition of “That’s a Fact, Jack”:

Gold medal: You probably eat bugs in your sleep.There’s a good chance that the average person will swallow about 10 spiders and 70 types of insects in the course of his/her lifetime. This is actually one of those weird facts I could do without.

Silver medal: Fruit Loops are all the same flavor despite different colors. This is so disappointing.

Bronze medal: 3 Musketeers candy bars used to come in three flavors. The original candy from the 1930s had three different kinds of nougat: chocolate, vanilla and strawberry (hence the name!). Unfortunately, it had to be cut down to one during World War II due to rations being too expensive. 

Honorable mention: There are five national anthems that have no lyrics — Spain, Bosnia, Herzegovina, Kosovo and San Marino.

Steve Thought O’ The Day — I wonder when I most recently swallowed a spider?

Steve Eighinger writes daily for Muddy River News. He wouldn’t swallow a spider if it had ketchup on it.