Daily Dirt: Real issues, real answers — The Doctor of Love is always here to help

Daily Dirt for Tuesday, July 11

Some have hailed him as a visionary, others simply as the potentate of passion.

He is Stevie Love, the self-proclaimed doctor of desire, all-knowing sovereign of snuggle, self-styled monarch of amore and overall chieftain of cherish.

The Doctor of Love appears on a regular — albeit unscheduled — basis to serve the needs of the forlorn, to assist those with relationship woes and do what he can as an intermediary for cupid.

Real issues. Real answers. That’s why the Doctor is here.

The questions, please:

Dear Stevie,

I was incredibly sad this week when the love of my life, Donnie, said he would rather go fishing with his brother, Darryl, and his other brother, Darrell, rather than take me to see the new “Top Gun” movie with Tom Cruise. Should I be upset with Donnie?

Feeling down and disappointed,
Kellye in Kinderhook

Dear Kellye,

It’s great to hear from you again. Look at this way — absence makes the heart grow fonder. Go see the Tom Cruise movie with a girlfriend, then get home in time to cook those fish that Donnie and his brother, Darryl, and his other brother, Darrell, bring home. Add a little lemon to the fish. The boys will love it.

Dear Mr. Love:

I’m sure you know how hot and humid it has been in recent weeks. Well, I’m even hotter right now. The other day when it was close to 100 degrees, there I was out in the front yard mowing our lawn with one of those old-fashioned push mowers. Where was my husband, Curly? The big lout was sitting in his recliner watching a rerun of “America’s Got Talent.” Never once did Curly ask if I needed help or even if I’d like something to drink. He just sat there sipping on his Coca-Cola and eating those Reese’s peanut butter cups that are all peanut butter.

Do I have the right to be upset with Curly?

Not sure what to do,
Maggie in Marblehead

Dear Mags,

The Doctor is completely on your side. Obviously, Curly has been very inconsiderate. Tell him to get off his keister and buy you a riding lawn mower, preferably one with a cup holder in case you get thirsty in this hot weather. You also might suggest he tries the regular Reese’s candy.

Dear Doc,

I hate to read about all the wives complaining about their husbands on forums like this one. My husband, Joel, is a good guy … but I do have one problem with him. He spends most of the day at the golf course, either working part-time in the pro shop or playing golf with his buddies.

Then, when he actually comes home, he spends almost every waking hour watching baseball games or highlight shows on the MLB Network. It’s been like this since baseball season started around the first of April and the weather finally warmed up to play golf.

Would it be too much to ask for just the two of us to go out for a nice, quiet dinner some evening? He’s always saying, “Can’t do it tonight, babe. The Cardinals (or the Cubs, or the Guardians, or the Dodgers, etc.) have a big game,” or he’s in the front yard practicing his golf swing with an imaginary golf ball.

Mr. Love, I actually enjoy baseball and golf, but enough is enough. Right?

Thanks for your time,
Amy in Atlas

Dear Amy,

Seriously, Amy? I have to side with Joel on this one. Baseball season only comes once a year, and it’s over with in just seven months or so. And it’s still nice enough in the morning to get in 18 holes before the sun beats you down in the afternoon. Give Joel a break here. He can take you out to dinner or a movie — or even both! — come November when the World Series is over and the temperature dips below freezing.

Mr. Love,

I always respect your views involving affairs of the heart, so after years of reading your advice, I have decided to write to you.

My husband, Lefty, and I have been married for a long time. As wonderful of a person as he is, there are some things he does — actually, doesn’t — do that just drive me crazy. Lefty has never been one to overwork himself, if you know what I mean. Lately he’s taken laziness to an entirely different level. I never used to mind all the TV he watched, because he also used to help around the house.

Nowadays, though, Lefty doesn’t even take his own dishes to the kitchen (he likes to eat supper in the living room while watching NBC News with Lester Holt). If I didn’t clean up around him, he’d be sitting in total squalor.

Am I being unreasonable to ask Lefty to at least take his dishes to the kitchen when he’s done eating

Uncertain what do,
Uma in Ursa

Dear Uma,

Thanks for the letter! The easiest answer is to simply serve Lefty his meals on paper plates. That way when you clean up around him, you can just throw away all the plates, etc. A win-win situation! Since you won’t have to spend all that extra time washing Lefty’s dishes, maybe you can make the big guy a key lime pie that both of you could enjoy together while watching Lester.

Remember — real issues, real answers. The Doctor is always here to help.

Steve Eighinger writes daily for Muddy River News. A self-proclaimed life coach, Steve has given advice to those who ask it — and even those who don’t — for decades. We’re not sure if any of it has ever helped.