DAILY DIRT: So, what is worse — black licorice or candy corn?

candy corn black licorice

Daily Dirt for Friday, Sept. 22, 2023

The correct answer is BOTH … Welcome to today’s three thoughts that make up Vol. 734 of The Daily Dirt.

1. The official arrival of fall comes Saturday, and this time of year makes many think of falling leaves, cooler temperatures, football games and sitting around a campfire.

Not me.

Fall means Halloween, which is still a little more than a month away. And Halloween means trick or treat candy.

An important thing to remember about Halloween candy is not all such treats are created equal. Some are downright nasty and should be avoided at all costs. Don’t ever give out certain types of candy as “treats”. Some is so bad it might cause the recipients to return to your neighborhood and toilet paper your house.

Since I’m always here to help, here are three candies to always avoid, both as a Halloween treat or when purchasing sweets at the supermarket:

  • 1. Black licorice: Who came up with this in the first place? It’s like eating pieces of a tire, only I think an old Goodyear would probably taste better.
  • 2. Good and Plenty: Ugh. These little devils are so deceiving. But that candy coating cannot hide what’s underneath — the dreaded black licorice.
  • 3. Candy corn: My theory is no one really eats this stuff. Grandmothers buy up all the bags in the stores and and then dump the contents into decorative bowls for the fall season, providing “treats” for visiting family members. None of it is ever eaten because no matter how fresh the candy corn is, it always tastes like it’s stale.

2. This week’s best of what I “Found on Facebook”:

  • “Sometimes I want to drop my kids off in 1985 to see how long they’d make it.”
  • “Horses have the lowest divorce rates. It’s because they’re in stable relationships.”
  • “Advice to old people: Do not sit on the floor without a plan on how to get ack up.”
  • “I’m not sure if we get wiser as get older, or if we just run out of stupid things to do.”
  • “When God created ducks, He said, ‘Waterproof that chicken and give it a kazoo’.”

3. Our Great Plate Debate license-plate rankings saw no changes to the medal stand over the past week, but there were still some interesting spottings across West-Central Illinois and Northeast Missouri.

Gold medal: BE A BETH. As long as this makes me laugh every time I read it, it will be No. 1.

Silver medal: WHUT IF. This, too, is pure genius.

Bronze medal: TATTED. Not sure if this genius, but it’s certainly clever — and funny.

Best of the rest over the past week:

  • G-FORCE
  • BAKE 7
  • 4 KANST (A Wildcats fan!)
  • BUSS BUS
  • JOVI
  • 11 WAY
  • BETS 
  • FANFAM 5

Steve Thought O’ The Day I read where the three stages of life are: Wanting stuff, accumulating stuff and getting rid of stuff. I think I’m about to enter No. 3.

Steve Eighinger writes daily for Muddy River News. Doubt he gets rid of any sports-related “stuff”.

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