Daily Dirt: Study wipes away all doubt concerning best brand of toilet paper

Daily Dirt for Sept. 23, 2021

Choosing the proper toilet paper can — and should — be a serious issue. It only takes one purchase of those “four rolls for a dollar” at the neighborhood discount palace to ruin a trip to the bathroom. Vol. 76 of the Daily Dirt begins today’s three thoughts regarding that very subject:

1. We love rankings, be it college football teams, fast-food cheeseburgers or cars.Even toilet paper.”Toilet paper may not be the flashiest purchase, but anyone who’s ever bought a low-quality roll of the stuff can tell you that it’s worth putting some thought into what you get,” writes Kevin Oliver for reviewed.com.Earlier this year, reviewed.com analyzed dozens of brands, formulating its rankings on durability and comfort. I’m just guessing those rankings were compiled through first-hand experience.These were the top brands at the end of that reviewd.com study:

1. Charmin Ultra Soft.

2. Cottonelle Ultra CleanCare.

3. Charmin Essentials Soft.

4. Quilted Northern Ultra Soft & Strong.

5. Charmin Ultra Strong.

6. Quilted Northern Ultra Plush.

7. Cottonelle Ultra Comfort Care.

8. Great Value Ultra Strong

2. A couple of days ago in this space, we looked at the best and worst 1980s television. Today we tackle the 1970s. First, the worst:

A. “The Love Boat”: There was not one appealing character on this program, not even the talented Gavin MacLeod, who portrayed Capt. Merrill Stubing.

B. “Laverne and Shirley”: ABC bookended this atrocious show with “Happy Days” on Tuesday evenings. Along with Laverne and Shirley, we also had to put up with Lenny and Squiggy. Ugh.

C. “Welcome Back, Kotter”: John Travolta became a movie star, thanks to this show — another reason to dislike this program, which despite being classified as a comedy was rarely funny.

D. “Little House on the Prairie”: I have always felt guilty for not liking this show. It was wholesome, heartwarming and featured one of my favorite actors (Michael Landon). My only problem was that it was TOO wholesome and TOO heartwarming. A little gratuitous violence would have livened things up.

E. “The Waltons”: Ditto.

3. And now, the best of the 1970s:

A. “All in the Family”: To this day, “All in the Family” remains one of the most realistic sitcoms to ever appear on network television. Long live Archie Bunker!

B. “Kojak”: Who loves ya, baby?! If ever there was a perfect casting call, it was Telly Savalas as detective Theo Kojak.

C. “Mork and Mindy”: The first two seasons of this show may have been the overall funniest programming in network TV history. Audiences had never been exposed to the unbridled humor of the late, great Robin Williams. Nanu, nanu.

D. “M*A*S*H”: Rarely, is every episode of a program’s history both funny and meaningful. This was one of those rare, rare programs. 

E. “Saturday Night Live”: There will never again be a repeat of the hilarity provided by the first five or six seasons of this late-night Saturday series. I still miss the comedic talents of John Belushi.

Steve Fact O’ The Day
Currently, my favorite kind of potato chips are the sea-salted Ruffles.

Steve Eighinger writes daily for Muddy River News. Good night, John Boy.