DAILY DIRT: Sweet tooth? Start with those dark chocolate Milky Way bars

The most memorable item in today’s Daily Dirt just might be that Jimmy Page was involved in the “Goldfinger” theme song. See Thought No. 2 … Welcome to today’s three thoughts that make up Vol. 1,055 of The Daily Dirt

1. There are times when the one thing I want more than anything else in the world is a chocolate bar …

But just not any chocolate bar. 

I’m a picky guy when it comes to my sweet tooth, just like I am with most things that would qualify as edible or drinkable. For example:

• When I want a steak, I want a six-ounce sirloin, well done. Not an 8-ounce or a 10-ounce, and not a T-Bone. (Acceptable substitute: Ribs.)
• When I want fish, I want flaky white fish like cod. Not catfish (ugh!) or salmon or tuna. Perch is also a great fish to eat, but it’s virtually impossible to find in this area of the country. (Acceptable substitute: Walleye.)
• When I want a soft drink, I want a Mountain Dew or a Classic Coke. Not Pepsi, not not Dr. Pepper. (Acceptable substitute: Sun Drop.)

I think you get the idea. There are rules, and rules have to be followed.

Anyway, here’s my top 10 candy bars:

• 1. Milky Way (dark chocolate): Also referred to as Milky Way Midnight, the dark chocolate sibling of the regular Milky Way bar is the piece de resistance of confections.
• 2. Milky Way (regular): No textural complexity to confuse the culinary imagination, and the perfect partner to its No. 1-ranked partner. My favorite models of this dandy candy are the bite-size piece that are popular around Halloween. Long live nougat, caramel and chocolate!
• 3. Nestle Crunch: A longtime favorite of those who frequent the candy aisle, the promise of “just enough” crunch (thanks to the rice) to go with a satisfying amount of chocolate will always keep this offering either on or contending for a spot on the medal stand.
• 4. Snickers: This candy bar walks a fine line between a quick snack and decadent treat.
• 5. Kit Kat: The secret of Kit Kat’s success lies in its simplicity. The crisp wafers wrapped in smooth chocolate create a satisfying crunch — and taste — that has become its signature.
• 6. Symphony: This bar’s subtle difference in creaminess, compared to the traditional Hershey offerings, suggests an attempt to cater to more sophisticated taste buds.
• 7. Mr. Goodbar: A heavier reliance on the nut taste than No. 8 elevates Mr. Goodbar to more lofty heights. For decades, Mr. Goodbar played second fiddle to many of its Hershey  rivals. No longer.
• 8. Hershey’s bar (with nuts): This used to rank much higher, but my palate is constantly evolving. Still, the Hershey bar (with or without nuts), has earned a spot in the unofficial American confectionery hall of fame.
• 9. Three Musketeers: This candy bar’s reliance solely on nougat might finally need to be rethought. While still tasty, this candy bar has become rather … shall we say, mundane? It’s still a keeper, though.
• 10. 100 Grand: The crisped rice/chocolate concept has always been intriguing. 

2. Did you know (Part 118)

• That the person playing the guitar in the James Bond “Goldfinger” theme song was Jimmy Page of Led Zeppelin fame.
• That Barbra Streisand was in high school choir with Neil Diamond.
• That the five biggest disappointments from last weekend’s college football games were: Notre Dame (duh … ), Penn State, North Carolina State, Oregon and Michigan. (Penn State was a 32-point favorite and had to hang on to beat Bowling Green. N.C. State was a 4-point undergo to Tennessee and lost by 41.)
• That the song “Dude Looks Like A Lady” by Aerosmith was written about Vince Neil of Motley Crue.
• That the three best-selling NFL jerseys are currently Patrick Mahomes, Brock Purdy and Christian McCaffrey. (By the way, Travis Kelce is No. 4. Thanks, Taylor Swift.) 

3. ESPN is celebrating its 45th year on the air this month.

It’s doubtful any other network has ever had the effect that The Worldwide Leader has had on the American male sports fan.

An estimated 30,000 viewers tuned in for ESPN’s first broadcast at 7 p.m. Sept. 7, 1979. What they saw was the first edition of SportsCenter, featuring George Grande and Lee Leonard as anchors. The first news item that evening featured Chris Evert defeating Billie Jean King in the U.S. Open tennis tournament.

Following the conclusion of that inaugural SportsCenter, ESPN offered viewers slow-pitch softball, pro wrestling and college soccer.

Steve Thought O’ The Day — Remember when the late Rowdy Roddy Piper (a pro wrestler, for those non-fans of the squared circle) starred in the sci-fi movie “They Live”? Sure, the film was kind of a stinker, but Piper uttered one of the greatest lines in movie history: “I have come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass … and I am all out of bubble gum.”

Piper died in July 2015 at age 61.

Steve Eighinger writes daily for Muddy River News. Steak well done? Are you a caveman? Do you put ketchup on it too?