Daily Dirt: ‘Tell me what you want, what you really really want’

Daily Dirt for Wednesday, March 2, 2022

You know when that one song you absolutely hate comes on the radio and your right index finger can’t move fast enough to change the channel? If so, I think the first couple of today’s three thoughts will hit home … Welcome to Vol. 226 of The Daily Dirt.

1. There is a difference between a bad song and an annoying song. And there’s a special category for a song that is not only bad, but also annoying.

A bad song is … well, just that. Possibly a Michael Buble interpretation of some classic or Jennifer Lopez attempting to interpret anything — those are most likely just bad songs. An annoying song might be a half-decent tune, but one that has been grossly overplayed — a song like “Don’t Stop Believin'” by Journey.

That brings to the equally bad AND annoying offerings. If the following five songs are not the top five in this category, they’ve got to be close:

• “Copcabana,” by Barry Manilow: Remember the first time you heard this, probably in the 1970s? It was passable — barely. By the 100th time, you were likely on the verge of pulling your hair from your skull.
• “Who Let the Dogs Out,” by the Baha Men: Much like “Copacabana,” by about the 10th time you heard this it was not enough to simply change the channel, but you were on the verge of ripping the entire sound system from the dash of the car. This song personally kept me from getting a pet for at least 20 years.
• “Wannabe,” by the Spice Girls: “Tell me what you want, what you really really want”. Yeah, we all loved that song, not to mention those feisty Spice Girls: Posh, Scary, Ginger, Sporty and Mega. This song was so overplayed and became so annoying, it basically destroyed any pop music future the Spice Girls may have had. After a few months, the only place that wanted the Spice Girls to perform was … the Copacabana.
• “Don’t Worry, Be Happy,” by Bobby McFerrin: This 1988 song sucked from day one, and all of these years later the suckagemeter remains high. Extremely high.
• “The Joker,” by the Steve Miller Band: This song is not only atrocious, but uses a wolf whistle and a slide guitar, for crying out loud. Enough said.

 
2. Our next item today concerns songs that … well, yeah, they also suck but remain at least mildly entertaining and we don’t feel like banging our head against the steering wheel.

“Disco Duck,” by Rick Dees and His Cast of Idiots: The song was actually made in jest, but in one of those only-in-America things, went on to sell a million copies and allowed Dees, a Memphis disc jockey, his 15 minutes of fame.

“De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da,” by the Police: My theory has always been Sting and the Police took their music so seriously, critics gave this moronic offering a pass. Plus, it’s hard not to sing along with with this song, even if you detest it.

“Ice Ice Baby,” by Vanilla Ice: Can we ever forget these lines?”If there was a problem, yo, I’ll solve it,
“Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it.”The only thought I can add? Ice, ice baby.

“Achy Breaky Heart,” by Billy Ray Cyrus: This song got panned so badly, but a lot of people loved it. And I still do. Speaking of lyrics:

“You can tell your ma I moved to Arkansas
“Or you can tell your dog to bite my leg
“Or tell your brother Cliff whose fist can tell my lips
“He never really liked me anyway.”

That Billy Ray, he was a natural when it came to lyrics.

“Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go,” by Wham!: When the video this song was released in, two things were obvious.

1. The video was ridiculous.

2. George Michael was going to be a major star. (This song gets extra credit, because as annoying as it would eventually become, give the songwriters kudos for working the name of “Doris Day” into the lyrics.)

3. Recently, the Daily Dirt has been providing actual disgusting food delicacies from around the world. Today, we offer a few from the good ole U.S.A:

• Lamb fries, or lamb testicles, are often served in gravy and are a traditional dish in the Bluegrass region of Kentucky. Historically, the lamb fries are parboiled, cut in half and seasoned. They are often breaded and fried in some barbecue restaurants.
• Clam pizza is a big thing in New England. It’s just what you think it is. Me? I’ll just stick to pepperoni and mushrooms.
• Brain sandwiches are extremely popular in Indiana. Cow brains were originally the choice, but thanks to Mad Cow Disease pig brains are now all the rage. Plus, there’s actually a proper way to cook the brain in question, according to published reports. For instance, make sure you have cold hands so that the brain doesn’t start to, um …, melt when you’re handling it.

I would image a piece of head cheese would go well with a brain sandwich, eh?

Steve Thought O’ The Day — Despite popular belief, Steve was never the mystery third member of Wham! He was, however, known as “Careless Whisper” for a number of years.

Steve Eighinger writes daily for Muddy River News. Some people call him the space cowboy, some call him the gangster of love.