Daily Dirt: Thanks Bobby Goldsboro, Starland Vocal Band and Bobby McFerrin for irritating songs

Daily Dirt for Sunday, Aug. 7, 2022

“Honey,” “Henry” and … ummm, Kit Kats are among today’s hot topics. Welcome to today’s three thoughts that make up Vol. 362 of The Daily Dirt.

1. Have you ever had one of those songs that each and every time you hear it on the radio, your skin starts to crawl and a snarl engulfs your appearance? Yeah, me too.

Here are my choices, by the decade, for those songs. I’ve limited those 10-year periods to the 1960s, 1970s and 1980s, which, in my opinion (as I’ve said before) are the most important decades regarding the evolution of pop music. The following songs, however, never evolved into anything except a deeper drivel:

1960s

• Gold medal: “Honey,” by Bobby Goldsboro: For someone who has never heard this, well, you’re actually lucky. “Honey” dies in this song, which is arguably the saddest and most syrupy to ever reach No. 1 (for five consecutive weeks, no less). I will literally turn the radio off rather than listen to this song again.
• Silver medal: “I’m Henry the VIII, I Am,” by Herman’s Hermits: Key lyrics: “I got married married to the widow next door, she’s been married seven times before.” That’s all you need to know.
• Bronze medal: “Puppy Love,” by Paul Anka: At the time, Anka and Annette Funicello were popular members of the Mouseketeers on the old Mickey Mouse Cub television show. They were also boyfriend and girlfriend, but their “love” was forbidden by show producers, etc. Yada. Yada. Yada.

1970s

• Gold medal: “Afternoon Delight,” by the Starland Vocal Band: For the 1970s, this song and its mildly suggestive lyrics were a bit risque. Can you say innuendo? (EDITOR’S NOTE: Wait a minute. This song may at one time have belonged on this list, but once Ron Burgundy and his buddies on the KVWN news team sang it on “Anchorman,” it became stuff of legend. DA)
• Silver medal: “Escape (The Pina Colada Song),” by Rupert Holmes: Actually, as convoluted as this song comes across, it is a true story. Doesn’t make it any better, but it IS true.
• Bronze medal: “Feelings,” by Morris Albert: Nowadays, this would be classified as soft rock. Back then, we classified it as crap. And by “we,” I mean me.

1980s

• Gold medal: “Don’t Worry, Be Happy,” by Bobby McFerrin, whose artificial Jamaican accent for this song was especially irritating. 
• Silver medal: “Kokomo,” by the Beach Boys. By the time this annoying song hit the airwaves in 1988, the Beach Boys had long been irrelevant. The song emerged, somewhat unexpectedly, as a hit via the movie “Cocktail.” The Beach Boys actually had minimal overall impact on this song. Brian Wilson was having medical issues and Dennis Wilson had drowned five years earlier. Mike Love was involved, and so was Carl Wilson, but major contributions came from (among others) John Phillips of the Mamas and Papas and Scott McKenzie (“San Francisco”).
• Bronze medal: “Love Touch,” Rod Stewart. How an artist as talented as Stewart could OK a release this bad is simply called “mailing it in.”

2. Speaking of the 1980s, called by many the decade of decadence, the artist who may have illustrated that period best could arguably have been (and it hurts to admit this) … Rod Stewart. Yes, my all-time favorite singer, whose trip through the 1980s was not a pretty one.

At that point in his well-publicized life, Stewart went through women much like old newspapermen work their way through a collection of pastries. In addition, while Sir Rod put out some marvelous albums in his long and (mostly) distinguished career, the 1980s, for the most part, did not come close to his overall Rock and Roll Hall of Fame excellence.

The following comment made by Stewart not only summed up his life at the time, but that particular decade itself: “Instead if getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and just give her a house.”

At the time, commitment was not high on Rod’s to-do list when it came to relationship expertise.

3. We haven’t played Overrated/Underrated for quite awhile. so here we go:

• Overrated: The New York Yankees’ chances to win the World Series. The Yankees still have major questions — at least looking at the postseason — with their rotation and bullpen. Sure, they can score, but will they be able to stop whoever they are playing in October?
• Underrated: What the San Diego Padres did before the trading deadline. While way too many would-be contenders twiddled their thumbs, the Padres were not afraid to trade prospects for proven veterans. Prospects are just that — prospects.
• Overrated: The Simpsons. Homer and his family were outdated 20 years ago.
• Underrated: Sterling Archer. If you watch “Archer,” you understand.
• Overrated: Regular Kit Kat candy bars.
• Underrated: Strawberry and Dark Chocolate Kit Kat candy bars.

Steve Thought O’ The Day
Steve has never met a Kit Kat he didn’t like.