DAILY DIRT: Thanksgiving dinners and football halftimes … is there a connection?

If you have never read anything by Erma Bombeck, you should. The woman had a gift and she was hilarious … Welcome to today’s three thoughts that make up Vol. 402 of The Daily Dirt.

1. Sometimes it’s important to embrace the sport of football from the opposite side.

You know, what do women think about the game we guys enjoy so much between September and February? These following thoughts, I think, pretty well sums up those feelings. Thanks especially to the late, great Erma Bombeck: 

Gold medal: “Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Halftimes (of football games) last 12 minutes. This is not coincidence.” — author Erma Bombeck.

Silver medal: “Women will not talk about football unless one of them is in love with a football player, and then suddenly you discover they know everything there is to know about it.” — actress Jeanne Moreau.

Bronze medal: “The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same thing in public.” — comedian Phyllis Diller.

Honorable mention:“If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.” — author Erma Bombeck. (PUBLISHER’S NOTE: Erma can stick it. JRG)

2. My all-time 10 favorite names of entertainers:

1. Honeysuckle Weeks: A second-tier British actress who has never been in a major film, but has a hall of fame name.

2. Rip Torn: The longtime character actor’s actual first name was Elmore.

3. Zsa Zsa Gabor: She never really accomplished anything as an actress/entertainer, but was known worldwide simply because of that great name.

4. Sid Vicious: He put the punk in punk rock.

5. Slim Pickens: Most know him as an old-school actor in the black-and-white era of film and television, but Slim was also an accomplished rodeo star. His real name was Louis Burton Lindley Jr.

6. Cat Stevens: Arguably the best name ever for a singer. He was my pre-Rod Stewart favorite singer.

7. Chaka Khan: An accomplished singer who entered this world as Yvette Marie Stevens. Fun fact: Chaka and I are the same age.

8. Freddie Mercury: One of rockdom’s all-time greats. He was born Farrokh Bulsara.

9. Axl Rose: I’ve always anted to add an “e” to his first name, either before or after the “l.” By the way, his given first and middle names are William Bruce.

10. Tallulah Bankhead: Old-school actress often compared to Bette Davis. And yes, that’s her real name.

3. Back by popular demand, some old-school country song titles and some new ones with that old-school feel:

• “She Only Bitches When She Breathes,” by Freddy B.
• “Billy’s Got His Beer Goggles On,” by Neal McCoy.
• “How Can I Miss You If You Won’t Go Away?” by Dan Hicks.
• “I Don’t Look Good Naked Anymore,” by The Snake Oil Willie Band.
• “You Ain’t Much Fun (Since I Quit Drinkin’),” by Toby Keith.
• “Kick My Ass,” by Big and Rich.
• “You Can’t Have Your Kate And Edith Too,” by the Statler Brothers.,
• “I Wouldn’t Take Her To A Dogfight,” by Charlie Walker.
• “He Drinks Tequila and She Talks Dirty In Spanish,” Lorrie Morgan and Sammy Kershaw.
• “When Uncle Bill Quit Dope,” by Johnny Cash.

Steve Thought O’ The Day — We should all be thankful to all eras of country music. Without country music, the world would be a much more boring place.

Steve Eighinger writes daily for Muddy River News. He eats 6.5 meals on Thanksgiving.