Daily Dirt: The baron of carin’ returns for his monthly visit to assist the lovelorn

The name is Love, Stevie Love. The self-proclaimed baron of carin’ is back for his monthly visit to assist lovers in distress. This month marks the 14th anniversary of Stevie Love dealing with real issues and real needs, plus it’s also Vol. 107 of the Daily Dirt. A double reason to celebrate!

The first envelope, please.

Dear Stevie:

My husband, who I like to refer to as Mack Daddy, is, for the most part, a wonderful human being and I love him dearly — with one exception. Mack Daddy’s idea of a romantic dinner with his wife is driving through whatever fast-food place of business he has coupons for. If only one time we could sit down to a nice, quiet dinner — complete with tablecloths and cloth napkins — I would pull a Donna Fargo and be the happiest girl in the whole USA. What should I do, Stevie? How do I get through to my Mack Daddy?

Perplexed in Palmyra,

Eunice Jo

Dear Eunice,

My first thought is tell you to always make sure you pack nice napkins from home in your purse. That way, when Mack Daddy eyes a big night out — we’re talking Arby’s or Fazoli’s, not just McDonald’s or Burger King — you can whip out those fancy napkins. The front seat will have that “restaurant feel” you so desire. Maybe, just maybe, Mack Daddy will then supersize your meal.

Dear Dr. Love,

My heart is about to break. For so long, I have had a major crush on a guy named Matt, who I’m afraid doesn’t even know I exist. Matt’s the outdoors type. He enjoys deer hunting in Pike County, fishing over in northeast Missouri, plays a lot of softball and golf, and he watches football most weekends in the fall. He also enjoys dirt-track racing and plans on going back to Quincy Raceways when it reopens. On the other hand, I’m more of a sophisticated girl who enjoys the fine arts and watches a lot of PBS. Is there any hope at all that one day Matt and I could be a couple?

Lovestruck in Liberty,

Kelleigh

Dear Kelleigh,

Nope. That ship has sailed, babe.

And don’t forget, next year they’ll be racing at Adams County Speedway.

Dear Steverino,

I’ve written you before. You have always helped me through tough times, and I need your advice once again. My husband, Darrell, looks a lot like Justin Timberlake. He will often buy me a box of candy just to let me know he loves me. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the thought, but Darrell always eats about half the box before giving it to me. I think that’s rather rude, don’t you?

Upset in Ursa,

Ellen

Dear Ellen,

Did he eat the coconut clusters and leave those crappy creme-filled pieces? If so, you have every right to be upset with Darrell.

Dear Stevie,

Maybe I’m being petty, but i have come to notice the only way my husband, Donnie, seems to remember a birthday or anniversary or when a grandkid was born is if he can connect it with a significant sporting event. He “remembers” my birthday because it was the same day in October when Bob Gibson struck out 17 Detroit Tigers. He “remembers” our anniversary because Lou Brock got his 3,000th hit against the Chicago Cubs. Should I be upset?

Perturbed in Pittsfield,

Peggy

Dear Peggy,

Gibson and Brock are Hall of Fame players from the St. Louis Cardinals. You’re in good company. I’m not sure what you’re upset about.

Just remember, whatever the problem, whatever is troubling you … the loveline is open and the Doctor of Love is ready to operate.

See you next month.