DAILY DIRT: The Miz, Kane, Brooklyn Brawler are the all-time losers in the squared circle

By Steve Eighinger

Muddy River News Minister of Culture and Doctor of Love

There are some big names on this list, which is rather surprising … Welcome to today’s three thoughts that make up Vol. 1,006 of The Daily Dirt.

1. I think it’s safe to say we all have some degree of love for pro wrestling in us.

But most of that adoration deals with names like Hulk Hogan, John Cena and many others who are presented to us as “babyfaces” — the “good guys” whose roles are to save the world from dastardly characters like the Iron Sheik or Ric Flair.

Often lost, however, in all of the title reigns and pay-for-TV hoopla are the guys who lose many of those matches to our “heroes”.

And I know what you are thinking. Yes, someone somewhere actually keeps track of such things as pro wrestling wins and losses. The following are the WWE’s all-time losers through June:

• 1. The Miz: 744 wins, 1,309 losses. Despite all of the defeats, the Miz has long been considered an “A-lister,” holding the WWE title eight times. He also holds the record for the second-longest number of combined days with the championship.
• 2. Kane: 1,490 wins, 1,229 losses. This is mildly surprising. I had no idea Kane had lost this many matches. This is probably quite unsettling for Paloma’s Frank Cash.
• 3. The Brooklyn Brawler: 152 wins, 1,214 losses. Steve Lombardi (the Brawler’s real name) had a “winning” percentage of .111. 
• 4. Dolph Ziggler: 805 wins, 1,187 losses. Remember when he was part of the infamous Spirit Squad?
• 5. Randy Orton: 1,276 wins,1,054 losses. He’s one of the most notorious heels in WWE history and has been in the ring with almost every high-profile personality the company had to offer. The third-generation superstar is a former 13-time WWE champion and is still going strong
• 6. Big Show: 1,228 wins, 910 losses.The big man has been known for switching between heel and face characters frequently throughout his career.
• 7. Cody Rhodes: 738 wins, 893 losses. He’ll never be The American Dream II.
• 8. Kofi Kingston: 1,266 wins, 891 losses. The biggest moment of his WWE career was when he defeated Daniel Bryan for the WWE Championship at WrestleMania 35.
• 9. Sheamus: 978 wins, 885 losses. There is one thing missing from the “Celtic Warrior’s” resume, and that is the Intercontinental Championship. That would make him a grand slam champion in eyes of WWE historians.
• 10. Triple H (Hunter Hearst Helmsley): 1006 wins. 839 losses. Many of those losses came early in his career. He was a nine-time WWE champion. Triple H has been an integral WWE figure for 25 years.

2. Did you know (Part  65)

• — That cockroach milk is at least three times more nutritious than cow’s milk. (Cockroach milk is a protein-rich, crystallized substance produced by the Diploptera punctata cockroach that’s considered a complete food. It’s rich in nutrients. Well, that’s nice. I’m still never drinking it.)
• — That if you have a shrimp allergy you cannot eat cicadas.
• — That the average American woman owns right times more makeup than she actually uses.
• — That Lady Gaga wrote “Born This Way” and “Poker Face” in 10 minutes each.
• — That “allodoxaphobia” is the fear of other people’s opinions.

3. Chewing gum that you grew up with that no longer exists?

How about:

• — “Bubble Jug”: which was a powdery substance that turned into bubble gum. Ugh.
• — “Freshen-Up”: This had a pretty good run in the 1970s and 1980s. The litttle cubes of gum boasted liquid-filled centers. Definitely the best of this bunch.
• — “GatorGum”: The makers of Gatorade once tried to sell us gum that tasted like … well, yeah, Gatorade. Kinda stupid.
• — Hubba Bubba”: It came in a tube and the squeeze-pop approach never quite caught on.
• — “7-Up Gum”: A greet way to enjoy soda while chewing gum. Not.

Steve Thought O’ The Day — Did you catch the national anthem sung by Ingrid Andress prior to Monday night’s MLB Home Run Derby? The kindest account I have read concerning it was … “cringeworthy”. It wasn’t as bad as Carl Lewis’s 1993 interpretation, but … it was close.

Steve Eighinger writes daily for Muddy River News. Despite Steve’s attempted slander of Kane, Glenn Jacobs (his real name) remains on the Mount Rushmore of Bowling Greenians along with Cotton Fitzsimmons, Champ Clark and Frank Cash.